|PUBLIC SERVICE EXAM
Hello. Welcome to this year's public service
entrance exam. I see that all of you have been able to find yourself
a seat and a desk so obviously you've got what it takes to be public
Should you pass this exam and become a member
of the public service, you will enjoy not only the esteem and envy
of all your friends but also a unique package of fringe benefits,
including: an early retirement scheme which allows you to retire
while still turning up for work; flexitime which enables you to
decide when you don't want to work at work and when you don't want
to work away from work; plus free use of government stationery -
this has been facilitated by the introduction of eight-items-or-less
lanes as you leave the building.
I must at this stage warn all examinees that
anyone found cheating or copying from their neighbour's paper will
be automatically assigned to Parliament - regardless of whether
they fail the intelligence test and ESPECIALLY if they fail the
Please answer the following question in the spaces
provided on your answer sheet.
1. If you went to lunch at 12 noon and
came back to work at 2.30pm how long have you had for lunch?
- The answer of course, half an hour.
For those of you who failed the maths test, you
may still be eligible to become Mr Howard's tax policy adviser.
1. If you are about to take your lunchbreak and
a female member of the general public comes with an inquiry, you
should address her by saying:
a. Can I help you, madam?
b. Can I help you, miss?
c. What can I do you for, mate?
d. How's tricks, doll-face?
- The correct answer is: None of the
above. This is a trick question. If you are about to take your lunchbreak,
you shouldn't talk to her at all.
2. If a member of the
general public phones up with a complaint and you realise that the
file on this matter has been lost, you should say:
a. We are looking into
b. Can I get back to you on this one?
c. The matters have been referred to another committee
d. I haven't had a chance to look into it yet.
The correct answer is that you should tell them that
they have the wrong telephone extension.
Spell the following words:
This is the end
of the examination. Please sign your exam paper illegibly and pass
it to those collecting them, while denying that you have ever seen
or heard anything about it.