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To Be UN-Australian...

This is great for those Aussies who are away from home, and also those that aren't! A rod to measure ourselves by -

1. It would be Un-Australian not to have a few beers on Australia Day.

2. It would be Un-Australian not to observe one minute's silence on ANZAC Day.

3. It would be Un-Australian not to give Poms as much stick as possible.

4. It would be Un-Australian not to try and drink every Irishman you meet under the table.

5. It would be Un-Australian not to have owned a Speedwell pushbike at some stage in your life.

6. It would be Un-Australian not to secretly love the stereotypical image Paul Hogan has portrayed for all of us.

7. It would be Un-Australian not to tell foreign visitors that, yes indeed I do have a kangaroo in my back yard.

8. It would be Un-Australian not to like that endless series of VB advertisements on television.

9. It would be Un-Australian not to barrack for the underdog.

10. It would be Un-Australian not to have squinted at the horizon, in the face of another burning summer sunset.

11. It would be Un-Australian not to have been drenched by a sudden summer thunderstorm.

12. It would be Un-Australian not to have swallowed a fly at some stage in your life.

13. It would be Un-Australian not to enjoy beating the Poms at cricket, whether you are a cricket fan or not.

14. It would be Un-Australian not to know the words to Advance Australia Fair and Waltzing Matilda.

15. It would be Un-Australian not to proudly proclaim your nationality, no matter where you were in the world.

16. It would be Un-Australian not to be able to decipher "Avagoyabloodymugwhydontya".

17. It would be Un-Australian not to have a jar of Vegemite in the cupboard.

18. It would be Un-Australian not to be able to laugh at ourselves.

19. It would be Un-Australian not to take advantage of our God given right to the sickie.

20. It would be Un-Australian not to have a Hills Hoist in the backyard

21. It would be Un-Australian not to love V8's

22. It would be Un-Australian not to call any successful New Zealanders "Aussies" and the rest "sheep rooters".

23. It would be Un-Australian to have not swung from a piece of rope tied to a tree into the local river.

24. It would be Un-Australian not to have owned a pair of thongs.

25. It would be Un-Australian not to have a street sign with your name on it in your bedroom or at least a flashing road work sign.

26. It would be Un-Australian not to loudly pronounce to everyone in England that Darren Gough is the only English cricketer for ten years that would make the Tasmanian Sheffield Shield side.

27. It would be Un-Australian not to tell every foreigner that "Land Down Under" is the national anthem.

28. It would be Un-Australian not to tell everybody that the national anthem of New Zealand is "God Loves New Zealand - He Gave Them Boiling Mud".

29. It would be Un-Australian not to tell people that New Zealand is still constitutionally the 7th State.

30. It would be Un-Australian to actually eat Jaffa's in the cinema.

31. It would be Un-Australian not to have a pub where you are on a first name basis with the staff and they don't have to ask what you are drinking.

32. It would be Un-Australian not to try the hardest ski slopes or rapids even though you are a complete novice.

33. It would be Un-Australian not to have said the line "don't worry about me, I can handle my drink" at least once.

34. It would be Un-Australian not to have thrown up, 2 hours after saying the previous line.

35. It would be Un-Australian not to have thrown up on shoes you don't own.

36. It would be Un-Australian not to tell everybody in England about the healthy state of all Australian sport, while sitting on your arse in a pub drinking beer and contributing nothing to it.

37. It would be Un-Australian to agree with the gentleman at the door as to the state of your inebriation.

38. It would be Un-Australian to leave quietly.

39. It would be Un-Australian not to stop during the Melbourne Cup.

40. It would be Un-Australian not to have been to a day at the races and not remember seeing a horse, at least once.


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