Welcome back for another dose
of Orsm.net. I'm going to try and make up for last update, which
in my opinion completely and utterly sucked ass. Too many fuck-ups
and not enough good content for you guys to chew on. This week is
a guaranteed return to what you guys know and love - the biggest
update ever with hours of entertainment.
As usual I've been busy as fark lately
which explains why this update was such a long time coming
[10 or 11 days is an eternity on the net huh!?]. I've finally
got ADSL connected which is unreal. Nothing brings a smile
to your face like going from 56k to 512k. I also designed
and built my dream computer. The old 850Mhz Duron just wasn't
cutting the mustard anymore. If your interested in the specs,
it's a P4 2.2Ghz with a Gig of Ram, 120Gig Hard Drive and
Aluminium case with a 400w Power Supply. Very Phat.
Just a quick note to those of you who have
me on ICQ, can you message me so I can re-add you please.
I couldn't transfer my list over from my old machine so it's
pretty bare at the moment. Ah yes... I have a new email address
too. Finally rectified the problems I was having with email
and you can now contact me at:
Oh yeah... can everyone please install
a fucking virus scanner? I am sick to death of getting
bombarded with them. Having to sift through 150 spam and virus
infected emails every day is driving me fucking nuts I tell
The Clones is almost here! I think
I am more excited about finding out what happens next as opposed
to the 'digital wizardry' that George Lucas has created although
I am certainly looking forward to it. There's so
many questions that may finally be answered. Questions like
how do all the Jedi get killed off or how does Anikin end up
as Darth Vader or what do Queen
Amidala's breasts really look like?
Amazon.com wish list. Amazingly enough I have had 2 more gifts
purchased for me off of it - and I don't even have tits
[man boobs excluded!]!! It suprises me that people would be
generous enough to spend some of their hard-earned cash as
a thank you for the site.
Big thank you to you
guys - it's muchly appreciated and helps inspire me to carry
on with the site.
ANOTHER MASTERCARD 'PRICELESS'
It's becoming an almost weekly occurrence.
More legal action has been thrust my way and once again it is from
the lovely folk at Mastercard International... except this time
they didn't even go after me - they contacted my host and demanded
they kill access to my site by Monday the 13th May. Why? In a nutshell
- they don't like the Priceless Pics
on my site.
I got an email from my host saying
that I had to remove the offending material or they would have no
choice except to pull my server from the network. Fucking great
Does any of this sound familiar
to anyone? Some of you may remember the Mastercard Fiasco of 2001.
Click here to read the
details of that incident.
started a topic in the Orsm.net Forums so you can read what's going
on and have your say. Make sure you check it out. I need your support!!
If you have come here looking for Katrina from
Big Brother naked then this is
the page you want.
Worth a surf are the site
archives. Literally thousands of images, video's and tonnes
of other cool shit. Check them out here.
Have also added another Comics
Gallery. There's a total of 6 Galleries now with over 120 images.
The latest one is here.
Forums are a little bit on the quiet side. I'd love t see it
build into something much bigger but I guess that is up to you guys.
Go surf the damn
The Chicks And stuff section is getting HUGE.
Make sure you have got some spare time before you click
Britney Spears? - The
Real Britney Spears?
- Duhhh - Australia,
The Only Place To Live
This is my EX-girlfriend Sarah.
She cheated on me and now I want her to know how it feels. Mail
me at CraZGuy123@hotmail.com for more pics.
So I am guessing you are glad you are
rid of her right? Even though the head is blurred out you can still
tell she's a pig.
Subject: Hey Mr Orsm...
Since I am growing older, by the time
you get Holly on your web site it seems that I will be dead. So
to remedy this situation and I hate to see the Horny Webmaster beg,
I shall donate $50 just to see the Wonderous, Miss Holly in the
flesh. Now you just may want to post this and you might find you
have a fund raiser on your hands!! So if you want the cash, just
forward your postal address and i shall forward you, The Great Mr
Orsm, a Money Order made out to "Cash" @ ???.
The problem with this is
that I don't have a credit card [which means no Pay Pal] and I don't
have a PO Box that you guys and send shit to [and there's no way
I am giving out my home address] so that's why I have been running
the Help Hire Holly
thing for so long. If anyone has got any suggestions on how to get
cash to me to pay for this thing without me having to disclose my
personal details then I'd love to hear
them... in the mean time:
HELP HIRE HOLLY!!
Wanna see more Holly on the site? She emailed
me a while back saying she was prepared to do a shoot exclusively
for the site... but obviously there was going to be a catch...
I have to come up with some $$$ to get her to do it.
Gallery 1 - Holly
This is where I
need your help. Just click some of the following links and
check out the sites. I'm not too far away from doing this
thing so with a bit more help you'll be seeing more of Holly
Ryder again soon!
- Fling Babes -
Bla Bla wrote:
Subject: women readers
I just wanted to tell you that I am
a female reader. My favorite is the "random shite" section
though. The men were a nice a addition. I would really like to see
them with less clothes on! I think it would be very interesting
to challenge your male readers to submitting photos of themselves
like the women do. Thanks for the laughs. Jennifer
Well how about it guys? I mean
personally I don't really wanna see any of your penises but there's
obviously people [read: women and gay men] out there who do... so
send in your cock! Jen, these are for you...
The European Union commissioners
have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English
as the preferred language for European communications, rather than
German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,
the British government conceded that English spelling had some room
for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what
will be known as Euro English (Euro for
In the first year, "s" will be used
instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will
resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be
replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion,
but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing
public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph"
will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf"
20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double
letters, which have always ben deterent to akurate speling. Also,
al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e's" in the
languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl
wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z"
and "w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" , and similar
changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Und
efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
ze forst place.
There's been a surprisingly high number of people
emailing me about the logo below which ended up as Random Shite
last update. If you look closely at it, you'll see that the logo
has been done with human bodies. Nope - I didn't make it and I have
NO idea how it was done. It was created by a surfer of this site
who had some spare time on his hands [who's original email I can't
find! email me again please mate!]. Impressive huh!?
At the Senior Citizen's luncheon,
an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation
and discovered that they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed, they decided
to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady
up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started
out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was
a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do
you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in
the boat! When he finished, the man couldn't believe what had just
happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had
They fished for a while and continued on down
the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He
asked the lady, "Up or Down?"
There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed
the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next
day. She said yes.
There they were the next day, riding in the boat
when they came upon the fork in the river, and the elderly gentleman
asked, "Up or Down?"
The woman replied, "Down."
A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat
down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he
asked the lady, "Up or Down?"
She replied "Up."
This really confused the gentleman, so
he asked, "What's the deal?
Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted
to go up or down, you made made passionate love to me. Now today,
She replied, "Well yesterday I wasn't
wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were 'FUCK or DROWN'."
NAME THE RADIO STATION AND WIN!!
Orsm.net is proud to announce it's affiliation
with what is set to be the coolest radio station in my very own
hometown of Perth in Western Australia. It's been a long time coming
but we're about to get our very own radio station that doesn't specialise
in just commercial hits, easy listening, oldies or plain old grunge!
As it nears closer to the day it finally goes
live on air, the big boys behind it all seem to have become stuck
on one critical factor... this thing needs a name. That's where
you guys come into it... They want YOUR help to name the damn thing!
What's in it for you? Well if you are a
Perth-ite and you are aged over 18 then there's a party for you
and 50 friends including a $500 bar card at Ambar
Nite Club. If you are based interstate or over seas then you
will score a brand new Digital Camera. Sounds too easy huh!? Just
come up with a good name for the Radio Station and if it get's chosen
as the winner you'll pick yourself up a nice little prize!
All submissions must be received by
email so send your entries to email@example.com.
It was the first day of school and a new student
named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing
some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me
Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, "Patrick
Henry, 1775." He said.
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the
people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the
earth'?" Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham
Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class,
you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows
more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up.
"Lee Iacocca, 1982."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm
gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now,
who said that?"
Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the
Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh
yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand
and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said,
"You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit
to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered
around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're
in BIG trouble!" and Suzuki said, "Arthur
A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied
by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track
to learn about thoroughbred horses and the sporting industry, but
mostly to see the horsey's.
Then it was time to take the children to the
bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher
and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting
outside the men's room, when one of the boys came out and told her
that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the
boys with their pants, began hoisting the little boys up one by
one, and held onto their "wee wees" to direct the flow
away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but
notice the he was unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You
must be in the 4th."
"No, ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the 7th, riding
Silver Arrow, but thanks for the lift."
In The Net - Priest
Cult - South
London Meat Market - Toadstone
- Adult Match
Project - IWANGF
- EHOWA - Ogrish
Or Sex - Snow
SHORT 'N SWEET...
2 palestinian women out
shopping, walk into a shop, one goes into a change room to try on
a dress and walks out and asks the other one "Does my bomb
look big in this?"
Thought for the day: Big cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy
never hurt anybody.
Q: Why is the section of a woman's body between the breasts and
the hips called the waist?
A: Because another pair of breasts could easily fit there!
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Socrates.
When Mark Shuttleworth (very rich space tourist) returns from space,
everybody dress in Ape Suits.
Why do Jewish men like to watch porno films in reverse?
They like the part where the whore gives the money back.
The Queen Mum's two corgi dogs were talking.
One said "I'm glad the old bitch is dead."
"Why?" asked the other one.
"Now they can't blame us for pissing on the couch!"
Recently, a worldwide survey
was conducted by the U.N. The question was asked, "Would
you please give your opinion about the food shortage in the
rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure
In Africa they did not know what
In Western Europe, they did not know what 'shortage' meant.
In Eastern Europe they did not know what 'opinion' meant.
In South America they did not know what 'please' meant.
And in the U.S. they did not know what 'the rest of the world'
I'm sorry but I have absolutely no idea
what most of this means... translation please...
Subject: What up son?
Yo kid I just wanted to give mad props
on the "REEF" bitches them hoes be off the hook son!!!
Yo we got some bangin hoes in Cali but them brods is doin it in
a major way! Is that in Australia or what if so homeboy a nigga
gonna book my ticket now! Well anyhoes I thought I would holla and
give some props to your site.....Keep tite aiight.
Here's a few pics of some aesthetically
challenged naked woman walking the streets with not much more
than a skin of paint...
In the middle of an international gynaecology
conference, an English and a French gynaecologist are discussing
various cases they've recently treated.
French Gynaecologist: "Only last
week, zer was a woman ooh came to see me, and 'er cleetoris - eet
was like a melon."
English Gynaecologist: "Don't be absurd,
it couldn't have been that big, my good man, she couldn't have been
able to walk if it was."
French Gynaecologist : "Aaah, you
eenglish, zare you go again, always talkeeng about ze size... I
was talkeeng about ze flavour."
TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY, WHEN USING THE
"F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE
10th - "Scattered @#$%ing showers,
my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the @#$% did you work that out?" - Pythagorus,
8th - "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo,1566
7th - "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
6th - "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the @#$% are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein,1938
3rd - "What the @#$% was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima,
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the
head!" - JFK,1963
And… drum roll... The number 1 most
appropriate time for using the "F" word...
"Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is
going to find out?"- Bill Clinton,1997
Elisa Bridges. Playboy's December 1994 Playmate
of the Month, has passed away in February at the age of 28. The
cause of death is believed to have been of natural causes. Such
a shame... she was so hot.
An Irishman moves to the USA & finally attends
his first baseball game. The first batter approaches the batters'
box took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their
feet screaming "Run! Run!".
The next batter hit a single & the Irishman
listened as the crowd again cheered "RUN, RUN". The Irishman
enjoyed the game & began screaming with the fans.
The fifth batter came up and four balls went
by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started his
slow trot to first base. The Irishman stood up and screamed,
"R-R-Run ye bastard, run!" The people around him began
laughing. Embarrassed, the Irishman sat back down. A friendly fan
noted the man's embarrassment, leaned over and explained - "He
can't run - he's got four balls.
The Irishman stood up and screamed,
"Walk with pride, lad, Walk with pride!"
THE AUSSIE ENGINEER
Young Bruce applied for an engineering
position at an Aussie firm based in Perth. A Scotsman applied for
the same job; and both applicants, having the same qualifications,
were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men only missed
one of the questions. The manager went to young Bruce and said,
"Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the
Scotsman the job."
Young Bruce asked, "And why would you be
doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Australia,
and me being an Aussie I should get the job!"
The manager said, "We have made our
decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the question
that you missed."
Young Bruce then asked, "And just
how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
The manager replied, "Simple,
the Scotsman put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down,
'Neither do I'."
These were apparently awarded Picture
Of The Year by NBC. I say apparently coz I really have no
fucking idea if they were or not... i'm just told they are.
Just click the damn links and judge for yourselves!
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when
his attractive blonde female neighbour came out of the house and
went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it, then slammed it shut and
stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again
went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
here she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then
slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
"Is something wrong?" To which she replied,
"There certainly is!" (are you
ready?)… this is a beauty…
My stupid computer keeps saying,
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
A businessman got on an elevator in a building.
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside
and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F". He smiled at
her and replied,
"S-H-I-T". She looked at him, puzzled,
and said, "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark
again by answering, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to
be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly
as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied
with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T." The blonde finally
decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F,
It means Thank Goodness It's Friday'......... get it?"
The man answered, "S-H-I-T......Sorry,
Honey, It's Thursday."
As a final little surprise, I'm going
to post a new Aria series over the next few weeks. It's not
as big as the last series I posted but what it lacks in quantity
it makes certainly makes up for in quality.
& Adriana: Cat Fight -
Well I hope you guys are satisfied. This update
took DAYS to put together and that's no exageration. I'm already
working on the next update so make sure you check back soon. In
the mean time I am going to try and venture out side and see what
that Sun thing is all about...
Don't forget about the Mastercard
thing. Those pics are as much your's as they are mine and I
really wanna see them stay on the web forever.
Anyways, I'm outta here. Be good, stay
off the chem's and don't
forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr Orsm.