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October 2001...
orsmupdate 2001.10.27-16.06

First things first. If you are for some reason still accessing this part of my site with the http://i.am/orsm url or the Priceless section with http://come.to/priceless then it's time to change. They'll will be out of service soon and you won't be able to reach my site with them. To access this part of my site use http://orsm.ii.net and the Priceless section directly with http://orsm.ii.net/priceless.

You guys have all seen the Holly pics I have posted over the last few weeks right? You want more? They came from a kick ass site called Flash In Public. You can find the rest of the Holly pics there and as it turns out - a whole shit load of other tasty women posing nude in cities all around the world! I did actually spend a few minutes having a look and there is some orsm women there. Make sure you check out Flash In Public!

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Basement Show - Chicz - Snow Surfer - Cloud 10 - zFilter - IWANGF - Internet Gossip

A young man had asked for a job with the circus - any job just so he could travel with the circus. The owner of the circus, thinking he might be able to make an assistant lion tamer out of the young man, took him out to the practice cage. The head lion tamer, a beautiful young woman, was just starting her rehearsal. As she entered the cage, she removed her cape with a flourish and, standing in a gorgeous costume, motioned to one of the lions. Obediently, the lion crept toward the young woman, nuzzled her cheek, and rolled over twice.

"Well," said the owner to the young man, "think you could do that?"

"I'm sure I could, Sir," said the young man, "but you'll have to get that lion out of there."

Taste - Taste - Taste - Taste - Taste - Taste - Taste - Taste - Taste


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Nothing too exciting today really. Can't be arsed doing a huge update. I've recieved a tonne of new Priceless pics lately so i'll try and get some up on the site this week at some point. Don't forget to vote to show your appreciation. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.10.25-1.17

The internet seems to have become completely fucking boring over the last few weeks. I just don't get it. I haven't come across anything overly exciting, anything new and different, or anything that kept me amused for more than five seconds. I've been on the web for about 2 years now and I'm starting to think I have seen everything. How fucked is that!? Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places.

Boat people. 350 Iraqi's, Afghan's and whoever else drowned after their boat sank whilst illegaly trying to enter Australia the other day. I don't mean to sound like a cold heartless fuck but I don't think I could care any less if I tried.

Before anyone complains - NO - I'm not racist and I don't especially hate these people however it shits me to tears when I see what it costs Australia every time a few hundred of these people rock up to our shores expecting immediate residency all with out having bothered to go through proper channels. Hopefully this will be a lesson to the next lot who try and illegaly enter Australia.

Phreak 2000 - Rex Mag - Temple Of Mu - Slap Ass - Kids 4 Sale - Just Me Nose

Whack-A-Bin-Laden - Blow-Up-Bin-Laden

Scary fan mail... and I promise I didn't send it to myself.

Wolf wrote:

never have i seen an internet site that is as amazing as this one. i worship you as my new god and i would rather take an elephant penis up the ass than see it go down.

P.S. keep up the good work!

I recieved the following email to my Hotmail account. The sender obviously thought I wa someone else. Thought it was a good oppurtunity to see if I could start some rumours.

Niel wrote:

hey nat neil here

not sure which address if either of them are yours!!! but helen could not remeber which one was correct, nevermind. so how are things going? it must have been pretty scary, the first few weeks. have you got an appartment yet? and how is work? i've got a meeting on Wednesday about my year abroad, where do you reckon i should go? Paris is cool, but i reckon i wouldn't learn much french. what is lyon like? is it really nice? i'm going home next weekend for helen's real b'day which shoyuld be fun, she said you were back last weekend, hope yu had a good time. anyhow hope all is well and will chat soon, take care love neil

Neil sounds like a complete poof to me. Here's my reply - I still haven't heard anything back yet but I am looking forward to one.

Orsm wrote:


So good to hear from you! Glad to see you are keeping well. Nothing too exciting to report about going on around here.

I met a cute French boy and let me tell you - it's been nothing but intense anal sex since the word go!! He's even got a few cute friends of his to join in on occasion... all I can say there is nothing like having two cocks in you at once although I was left feeling a little sore the for the next day or so.

Also can you keep a secret...? I think I am pregnant... the worst part is that if I am correct - the father is a black man. I'm not too sure if I should get an abortion... it's frowned upon here. Roddy [the father] suggest I use a coat hanger to abort it but that sounds painful. I don't know what to do.

Anyway - I must go. Thanks again for the email and write me soon.



Before I go I'll leave y'all with part two of the Aria series that I promised last week. If you are having problems with it then check the site help section or even better - check here.

- Aria -

Moving Violation 1 - Moving Violation 2

Well I'm off to bed. I can't seem to get a grip on these fuckin headached no matter how many [legal] drugs I take. Feel sorry for me...? Nah didn't think so. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.10.19-9.37

I probably should have pointed out that the Aria video I posted yesterday is in AVI format. To view an AVI you need to have the correct codec installed on your computer.

You can download the correct codec here.

Please remember that if you have any problems you can more than likely find an answer in the Site Help section.

Off to school for me. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.10.18-13.32

It's all too much lately. I've been getting killed with nasty headches over the last few weeks and they've been getting progressively worse. The current oen seems to have been with me for the last few days and wont fuck off. Anyways - gunna get a massage tomorow. Hopefully that'll relieve some of the pressure and make me feel normal again. Ah normality... how I miss you.

Bad news for you guys is that there is no way in hell I can be arsed sitting in front of a computer for a whole day while I do a big-arse update... it's just not gunna happen I tell ya! The good news for you guys is that I am going to try and make up with something a little bit special.

Thought this was pretty good and this was exceptional.


A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.


Fun with Flash anyone?

Alcohol Consumption - Table Of Elements - Go To Sleep

My email over the last couple of weeks has been filled with a variety of bits and pieces. Firstly, please stop sending me this fuckin priceless picture. All submissions are welcome but I've had this particular one land in my inbox atleast 100 times so far.

Fuckin funny to see him burn though.

In reference to me linking Gyrate.org [Gayrate.org???] last update I got the following email...

Mad Mal wrote:

I took your advice and visited that Gyrate site. I think you have OVER estimated his intelligence and abilities.

YOU need to place a disclamer when recommending some of these sites.

I personally found NOTHING interseting there... No Boobs.. No Porn... No Holly.. mmmmmm Holly...

Well back to Orsm for me

Please be more selective next time.. Some of us might believe you.

Regards as always

Mad Mal

Ah yes... looks like Gayrate has been exposed for the homo that he is. Fuck me... I'd never even heard of his site before and lets just say I was more than a little disappointed when I surfed it. Fancy admitting publically that you are jealous of sites that get more hits than you... who does that!!?


In Perth this weekend and got absolutely fuck all to do? Join us for Chilean Dj Ricardo Villalobos and German Dj IsolÈe. They'll be playing at Ambar Nite Club this Saturday the 20th of October. Tickets are available from Complex Records , Central Station, Mills Records Freo, Planet Video, Atlas Clothing and Liquid Clothing.

Best part about it - all proceeds are going towards my favourite kids charity! Make sure you get along and show your support.

I'm loving this cool 404 thing. Theres' more than a few decent ones floating around out there too. Check em out. Seen any good ones? Send em my way.

NewbieNetwork.com - Bodyjar.com.au - Karoo.net - SomethingAwful.com

You may have noticed that the Priceless Vids and all the Mp3's are hosted [for free] on. Lately there has been a message when you click on one of the links taking you to a directory. Yes I am aware that this is happening and there is fuck all I can do about it. The problem lies in how much bandwidth you guys suck out of it - it's costing the owners of Funyon too much. If you want files from it then keep trying every few days!

This sounds like a marketing ploy [and pretty much is!] but the only way you are going to be able to have vids and whatever else on tap is by helping me raise enough cashola to move onto proper hosting [which is quite expensive]. How can you do this? Click on some ads around the site and sign up.

As promised - here's my little suprise. After running a poll for the last couple of weeks it's come quite apparent which one out of Aria, Holly and Veronica you guys prefer. This being the case the coming weeks are going to see me post a series of large Aria vids. Theres 5 in total so make sure you check back reguarly to get the new installments. Oh and I WILL NOT be reposting em if you miss a part so don;t even ask.

Well I'm outta here. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.10.06-11.49

It's weird how when holidays approach you tend to get excited and start to conjure ideas of having a break from the daily grind. As expected though, the complete opposite has happened [as usual] and I've spent most of this week running around after everyone else.

Although it looks like I've been neglecting the site lately I certainly haven't. I've ploughed a shit load of time into adding new shit, fixing broken shit and cleaning shit up.

I've added more than 20 new Mp3's to the downloads page so hopefully I've managed to fill a few requests. As usual theres some kick ass tracks there.

While I'm in such a giving mood, there's now an extra 35 or so new Priceless pics in the gallery taking the collection to over 370 pictures!! They start somewhere here thus reaffirming my position of largest Priceless collection on the entire internet. Woohoo...

Hopefully this week I am going to make a lot of you happy. All of September's updates have been archived for all eternity here. Big deal you say! I had no choice. Not only is this going to be the biggest update ever, I'm going to give you what you have been waiting for and a whole shit load more! More Aria. More Holly. More Veronica.

These 3 lovelies are the ones that seem to have attracted the biggest response in the last few months and believe me, I have more than enjoyed making you all wait and suffer to see more. Unfortunately, that now has to come to an end, however don't go thinking this is the last you'll see of them - I've got a tonne more pics of each of em just waiting to grace these pages!

Oh yeah... if you have some cash you wanna waste then I highly recommend picking up one of these lil puppies. They absolutely kick ass. Failing that feel free to buy me something nice.

Anyways, enough of me dribbling on like a moron and lets get on with it eh...!?

Some of the coolest 404's on the web. Seen any other decent ones? Send em my way.

Phancy.com - Rock103.com - Sindebauchery.net - M4dc0w.com - Scandelous.net - Voodoo Extreme

You've probably all seen that stupid pic of the tourist guy standing atop the World Trade Centre with one of the terrorist controlled planes in the background by now right? It's a complete fake!! The fllowing one are real though...

Another Hoax Pic - Another Hoax Pic - Another Hoax Pic

Another Hoax Pic - Another Hoax Pic - Another Hoax Pic

Another Hoax Pic - Another Hoax Pic

First Annual Kabul Air Show Scheduled
Kabul, Afghanistan 17:52GMT - Oct. 5, 2001

Citizens of Afghanistan are reportedly looking forward with great anticipation to reports of an international air show to be held in the skies over their nation.

An unnamed official informed us that "Now the rest of the world will look upon our beloved city with great honour just as they do Farnborough, England and Paris, France", referring to the sites of two other famous international air shows.

The exact date and time of the upcoming Kabul International Air Show has not yet been announced. It is believed that event organizers feel that such an announcement would detract from the fun of the celebration by, "spoiling the surprise".

Unlike most air shows the Kabul Air Show will feature almost no static ground displays but will have an unusually high number of aerial demonstrations and fly-bys. "We are most pleased by this feature of our air show. Instead of a lot of different kinds of airplanes just sitting around on the tarmac, the aircraft attending our show will actually be up in the air demonstrating what they do best!" we were told.

Participation will probably be heaviest by aircraft of the United States Air Force and Marine Corps. Including appearances by F-15's, F-16's, A-10's, B-52's and Apache helicopters. It is rumoured that opening ceremonies will feature a Tomahawk-cruise fireworks display. A few B-2's, and F-117A's may also help out in some unseen capacity.

Several other counties have expressed an interest in sending representatives. These include all nineteen nations in the NATO alliance as well as Australia. The excitement generated for this gala event has even prompted the Israeli Air Force to apply for participation.

Of course, no one is more excited than the Afghan people themselves. Great numbers of them are in the streets of Kabul looking constantly heavenward in gratitude for the historic event, which will soon take place in their skies. It has been observed that some are so concerned about missing the show that even as they bow to the East they keep snatching worried glances towards the West. Thousands, in fact, have been seen leaving the city and fleeing to the mountains carrying food and blankets - obviously anxious to get a good vantage point for the air show, and to make a picnic of it.

Spooky Shit - Spooky Shit - Spooky Shit - Spooky Shit

Spooky Shit - Spooky Shit - Spooky Shit - Spooky Shit - Spooky Shit

It is the year 2032, and a father and his son walk the streets of lower Manhattan. Approaching the site where the WTC used to be in the end of the 20th century, the father sighs and comments, "to think that right here used to be the Twin Towers..."

The son, not understanding, asks his father "What are the Twin Towers?" The father smiles and looks at the son, and explains, "The Twin Towers were two huge buildings that used to be here until 2001, when the Arabs destroyed them."

The son looks up to his father, and asks, "And what are the Arabs?"


Flash movie time. These take a while to load [especially if you are on a modem] but they are pretty bloody funny.

- l337 - Barbie Fuck -

I've heard of Japscat... but what about Japtats...??

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking the place of honour in the living room.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For fuck's sake, you wanker, it's twenty to two in the fucking morning!!"

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If you are bored of my crap then perhaps these guys can help you out...

zFilter - zFilter is brought to us by the same people that were behind the now defunct littleeffect.com. I can't see this site not being successful. Go and show your support!

Internet Gossip - your one stop shop for all thats going on in the so-called E/N scene. I'm strangely drawn to this site.

I Want A New Girlfriend - one of the best sites on the net. Totally and repeatedly worth a surf.

Dj Mixes 2k - if you are looking for the absolute latest Dj sets then this is the place to grab em.

Gyrate - this guy [Jakeypoo?] gets a link because he comes across as a jealous piece of shit. He sledged myself and a few other sites recently saying something along the lines of 'popular sites that are really crap'. Make sure you check him out.

Stay Puffy - Seduction Boot Camp - Rubber Anchovies - Ekto Neo - Two Inches Fully


After far too many emails and Icq messages and whatever else, I have had enough of the incessant requests for more of these magic women. Three of the finest women to ever be seen on the net.

After you're done cleaning yourself up, make sure you vote for who you think is the best of the bunch. Scroll up to see the Poll.

The first time I posted Aria pictures was December 2000. Ever since that day I've had request after request after request to see more of her. She will remain one of the all time greats of internet porn.

Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria

Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria

Holly. Everyone loves Holly. I think the reason she has gotten such a good response, besides the fact she has a great bod, is because of where the pics of her were taken. If your a resdient of Perth, Western Australia, or you have ever spent some time here - you probably recognised the locations of the pics. They were snapped at Scarborough [along the Esplanade] and at Hillarys Marina [Sorrento Quay].

Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly

Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly

Last but definitely not least - Veronica Zemanova. This chick is near perfect in my books. She's apparently an Italian porn star but I havent managed to find any vid clips of her on the net so far. If you come across any send em my way for all to enjoy.

Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica

Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.

"Names Enoch... Your neighbour from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem… after 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n'likely gonna be some fightin' too."

Damn, Sam thinks... tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."

"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there...by the way, what should I wear?

Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."


Random Shite. No decent update would be complete without it.

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

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And finally, it's video time... today I bring you a veritable plethora of the most screwy shit the net has to offer. Make sure you check the Office Coffe Pot clip. Priceless...

Ran Over Head - Revenge Of The Bull - Big Boob Stripper

Backward Ass Fuck - Hungry For Cum - The Mutha Load

- Nasty Nasty Scat -

That about brings this update to an end. Hopefully that'll keep a few of you happy for a while and I can enjoy the rest of my weekend. I'm back at school next week so not overly happy about that. Fuck I wanna get outta school and get a job. Anyone in Perth wanna hire an IT/Networking student with some Linux/Unix experience and half way throuh my CCNA? Don't like my chances but lemme know if you do.

Have a good weekend y'all and don't get too fucked up on alcohol and chems. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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