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April Fools 2004...

Below you will find some of the stand-out emails that I received from you guy's following my April Fools update... thats right - APRIL FOOLS! I was having some fun!

All up there was over 300 emails in total [which took FOREVER to read them all] and included some very interesting and unique points of view. For obvious reasons it was impossible to reply to all of you so I do apologise. Anyway have a read below - I know there's a shit load but most of this lot deseved publication...

Brad Hornberger wrote:
Subject: Best Wishes
Well, I am glad your turning the site into a paid site because their has been nothing but garbage on it lately. Who are these girls who only show their tits and why do I just want to see that. Or a girl smoking a cigarette. Where are the girls that used to be on the site? It seems like now that you have the photos of them baring all but your reluctant to put them on the site. Am I correct? Or are you running out of photos and just saving the good ones for a new update? The videos have gone downhill as well but the R.S. has stayed in good form as always. Well, good luck with the new site. I definitely wont be checking it out anymore. Is there any other sites like yours who still have their jollies? If so, and I know there is, could you tell me what the are. Late.

Melissa Zarnke wrote:
Subject: nice try but no prize
I suppose you think your funny you pole smokin' fashion victim but if your gonna pull shit like this at least make it a little more different from what you did last year. (in stupid voice) "im pissin of overseas to go backpacking with some slut) Try and fool us with sumthin other than taking away the best time waster on the net. Better luck next year. p.s your fridge is runing

David Atkins wrote:
Subject: (no subject)
Yeah, Orsm. You should set your new page up so that everytime somebody clicks a link, they hear a Metallica riff. 'Cause they're sell-outs just like you. You are a fucking sell-out. Bitch. I hope your new pay site craters on the first week.

Koops wrote:
Subject: Bullshit
Mr Orsm I was fooled for half a day last year. The only thing I was fooled by this year was Koche's (sp?) hair piece on Sunrise this morning. I don't believe for a second that you will be going to subscriptions! Love the site....

Upon waking up on April 1st it took me a good 5-10 minutes of staring blankly at the TV to figure out what the hell was so different about David Koch. Eventually it dawned on me that he was wearing a hair peice. Funnily enough a few viewers got slightly bent out of shape over his new locks not realising that it was all a joke. Gee... doesn't that sound familiar...

GS wrote:
Subject: Membership
Hey Mr Orsm, I have been checking out your site for about since it started, yes 3 years. It’s the best site on the net and I think its about time you started charging. Of course no one wants to start paying for something that was previously free but you also need to join the real world. Nothing worth having comes for free in this day and age.

With the great stuff you provide, constant updates and always something fresh to offer us net surfer’s I for one am happy to pay for access to make sure you a) stay around and b) keep out the shitheads who steal bandwith and content. You wont be losing me just because your charging now. Unless you do something out of character and charge like a wounded bull, which I doubt having gotten to know a bit about you over the last 3 years of reading your editorials.

I have no doubt your going to get swamped with people crapping on about selling out and not coming to your site after you charge and all that crap. I say lets see them open a free site then. See if they can suffer the crap, the rebuilds the lawyers etc etc that you have and still just kept it going. All talk most of them. Put up or shut up. Great work!!! Cheers.

ken jilbert wrote:
Subject: PISSED OFF from mirrabooka
Where do I start? I feel like one of those old fart's who send in mail to your comment in the local rag . Your going to be a pay site !! WHAT . Man come on . Iv'e just returned from EXMOUTH and proudly spread the word of your fucking fantasic site and now they won't be able to see it without a credit card . What's next .. will I be seeing pop up's on shitty site's begging subsciption . Stay real , YOU are the best free site on the net WORLD WIDE straight up . I don't mean to offend but fuck to me and many other's this is an outrage . I understand you gotta make the buck's and drug dealing can be risky but but ... but . Oh fuck it .. Please don't go commercial . Mr ORSM I'm realy realy realy gonna miss your update's . You got my name and you got the access but be sure to reply, because I'm PISSED OFF ........ P.S your site rock's from Ken

Go on post this Email see how many OTHER'S feel the same , and you call your self West Australian ..

Mike Leffler wrote:
Subject: Pay Site....
Hey ORSHole, I see that you have decided to make your site a pay site....hmmmmmm.....sounds like your selling out...does the site not make enough to pay for itself??? Sounds like you're more interested in sitting on your piece of shit ass and making a profit.....If you were really interested in your loyal viewers you would at least make the content available, ie; your piece of shit ramblings and jokes, and just charge for the downloadable content....not that you hold the copyright to any of the content you provide......hmmmm...there's another issue you may run into......

Anyway, I used to love the site..but anyone with a bacon bit for a brain could see this coming... with the popups and all.....

Take care and go fuck yourself ORShole....

Floppa wrote:
Subject: Subscription Based - WTF!!!
Good one ORSM, I made the decision that I would have to finally use my credit card over the net, and run the risk of some doof-hole stealing shit from me, just so that I could surf your fortnightly update when.......just happened to notice the date of the update. You trickster you! Quick suggestion - being a legend, why not make up your own day, ie. "ORSM fools' day", and not tell anyone what date it is, that way the crud you spin might be more believable. The site rocks man.

Ricky Ricky wrote:
Subject: Site Change
Hi, I can't believe how fast time goes by. Another year has passed in a blink. I remember as it was yesterday when you met this superchick and you had to shut down the site in favour for hitting the road, and now this very bad news of beeing forced to change to a subscription site.
Tooooooo bad, really ;-( By the way: great work!

Colin Jones wrote:
Subject: Conversion to Paysite
Hi Orsm. So, according to your latest update you are going to convert to a pay site. I bet your in-box is full of e-mails from whingers complaining that you are their only source of free porn and other shite and that you are just another Capitalist Bastard trying to make money out of perverts!

You get enough compaints about updates now. Just think what it would be like if people were paying.

Personally, I don't think it's going to happen (becoming a paysite). Exactly 12 months prior to the latest update, you said that you were closing down and going travelling with your new lady. You had a good laugh at all the e-mails that you received then, and are no doubt doing the same this time!

Whether I'm right or not will no doubt be revealed on your next update....

Adam McNeill wrote:
Subject: Damn shame but i'll still be there!
Good on you - you're providing a damn good service and you need to make a living so do what you've got to do. If there's some people out there who don't understand the big picture then that's their loss. Good luck - i'll be subscribing.

P.R. wrote:
Subject: keep up the good work
Yo Orsm, I am one of your faithful American followers, and have been for about a year now. I love the site, and I am bummed to see that it has finally come to the need to monitor who views the site, but if that is what needs to be done, than I am all for it. Everybody wants something for free, it is just sad that all those petty little bastards do it so blatantly. Where the fuck is the respect. I enjoyed looking at your site for simply the cost of my Internet provider, and I did click on links posted that help support you. I will become a subscriber to your site, and I hope to continue enjoying your site for years to come. Rock and Roll

Jay wrote:
Subject: subscription service!
Hey dude. The first thing that popped into my mind when you mentioned that it was costing too much was “where’s the paypal donate button!” (albeit, I hate paypal with a passion, and would rather post you a slab of beer or something via auspost)

Anyway, I’m defiantly up for the subscription based service, this page is one of the few things that I would actually cough up money for on a regular basis… I’m not too sure how many other’s would be prepared to do the same, but if you keep the prices reasonable, I’m sure others will be just as prepared to do it.

Just make sure you use a proper credit card processor ;D

Fabian wrote:
Subject: Thanks for doing what you're doing...
Hello Man, I've been checking your site for at least three years now and I was just surfing another quality website of snuff and stuff (consumptionjunction.com) when one of the banners there enticed me to choke the chicken to some hot, touched-up pictures of impeccably smooth porn stars. Not wanting to deal with porn site tours and their constant attempts to sign me up, I typed in the ever faithful "orsm.net" to my Address bar. When the site loaded I was pleased to find a new complement of sexy pictures of the most babealicious pornstars on the web free to my choosing! So here's a big fucking thank you for what you've been doing all these years and I hope that this trend will continue for many more years. Here's to let you know that even people at Ivy League schools enjoy your site!

bathroom22 wrote:
Subject: Pay site
If this is another one of your april fools jokes like the "I fell in love with a perfect woman" last year I will be mad, only because I sent an email saying that it wouldn't matter. If this was an april fools thing, you got me again. Congradulations! and if this was just an elaborate joke to see who would think it was an april fools joke and send you an email saying " o you wont fool me twice" then you are a very smart man. I have thus confused my self. Good Night

Nick wrote:
Subject: Long time listener, 1st time caller
Hey there, I'm not upset that your going to subscription, but you will be losing the essence of what the original orsm.net or orsm.ii.net began with. The fact that you could punch in this address and pull up some humorous content for free is what made you great in the first place. The ads haven't hindered access to the site, even the fact that the majority of them are "Make your dick like a a fat cucumber" hasn't made me stop looking, just kinda look past it....

Like google.com your site has actually become world renown. I've been in canada for the past year and I when ever somebody see's me at home on my machine writing some emails or updating my website, somebody will say have you ever seen orsm.net . This aint bullshit, and originally I heard it from a friend in Australia, and I thought I was one of the first.

Anyway all I'm trying to say is if you have to go to pay per view, then I guess you have to, but don't make it all pay per view, because the content that is on the pages right now, isn't really worth paying for. By content I mean, video's, jokes, porn teasers, funny web links and random shite.

All I can say is think about it before going completely subscription. I think the better thing to do is to leave the content that you show as is, and the stuff you pay for is the rest of the series of pictures or video's. Like the ones that actually show some snatch, some baby batter all over chicks tits, and some DVDA (think orgazmo).

Broe Coppin wrote:
Subject: Subscription
Dear Mr Orsm. Well, firstly I'd like to thank you for the last 2 1/4 years of entertaining me whilst on my travels around the world. You see, I am just a lad from Perth myself, Kalamunda to be precise, and I work on oil and gas rigs wherever my bosses see fit. Now, you can imagine what a rig of a hundred or so blokes would be like for a month at a time? No, well let me tell you, 2 weeks (on average) is not quick enough for an orsm update. One good thing though is that I get to memorise the jokes. Anyway, enough of the crap.

1) I have been constantly annoyed with your random shite section. Why? When you get to about the middle picture of either the 1st or 2nd line, do you know how hard it is to remember which was the last icon you clicked on after pissing yourself at a picture? Try it. Your RS Viewer made a brief visit to the site but with limited success. Why can't you just have the link at the bottom of each picture that says either next or previous?

2) I have never been a fan of Credit cards. "What", you say "is a 25 year old doing without a credit card?" Well, the statistics that 89% of Australians above the age of 16 have some sort of credit card debt states to me that I should not have a credit card. Now, my biggest dilemma is how in the fuck am I going to pay for my Orsm subscription? Can I post it to you, write you a cheque, give you my girlfriend for a day (trust me, that is all you would want or need), please tell me and I will be happy to oblige, money is not the issue, method is.

Anyway, congrats on being awesome (no pun intended), my mates, missus, brother and occasionally parents (though they like to think they are to affluent and debonaire to surf the net) all browse your site on a regular basis and I tell you, it is hard to find quality sites nowadays without all the bullshit and annoying popups. Which, by the way, you have one on startup which really fucks me off when in a third world country like Indo as it takes ages to load your page, but I understand it is necessary for advertising.

Have a good one, stay off the chems, and thank you in anticipation for your reply. Kind Regards, Broe.

Subject: Subscription?
Hmmm... to be honest you had me going up until you mentioned the www.newbienudes.com tehn I started thinking to myself "he cant be turning this into an all out porn site, theres to much Random Shit on the site" so in essence, nice joke. U had me going at least for a little while. Last years with you getting married was too far fetched. But this was really nice, props to you. Keep the good shit, and Random shit comming.

-P.S. I am right about you BS'ing us.. right?

Cue stick stroker wrote:
Subject: (no subject)
id just like to say that im sorry you feel as if you have to start charging folks money. after all we already pay fer internet service and fone charges or cable charges isnt that enuff? what makes you so needy of money we all need it but you dont see us chargeing pple to look at us on the streets do ya. i think ill have to pass on paying you so you can get rich off others.i am a truly devoted fan o this site or was but i dont have it in my budget to give any more money to you, sry. when this site goes pay per view ill delete it out of my favorits and then ill bash the site as often as i can by telling every one how fukkin greedy you really are. oh and by the way i wish u all the luck on your new way of buisness............... all bad fukkin luck that is i hope you fail terribly you greedy fukkin puke.

Jesus wrote:
Subject: (no subject)
Subject: A Solid Effort
7/10. You definitely put much more work into it this year, and I must admit that the story was very believable. However, I was prepared this year, and you made several key errors.

1. You failed to address the coincidence that this huge announcement comes on the biggest joke day of the year.
2. If you supposedly come to this decision a while ago, why choose April Fools? Surely if this was serious you would want to avoid that type of confusion.
3. You should have hinted about this in your past updates, since you always seem to let us know how the site is doing.

Other than that, good work, good attention to detail, but I dont think your gonna fool too many people. Orsm...subscription? HA

Russ wrote:
Subject: Orsm as a pay site.
Dear Orsm, (Nah, too formal!). Watcha' Cobber! (One of two Aussie colloquiisms I know. The other being calling chicks "sheilas.")

I would presume that your editorial re : bandwidth theft appearing on Apr., 1st is not an April Fools joke. My reaction? Go for it, mate!
I went down to Blockbuster (the largest video rental chain in North America.....I presume. Given that a few years ago Blockbuster opened a new store somewhere here every single day of the year) and rented "About Schmidt." But here's the ballbreaker.............I had to fucking pay for it!!!!!! Imagine those bastards having the gaul to charge me almost $6.00 for something that I could wait a year (or so) to see on TV.....free!!

Now, I'm an (almost) complete neophyte when it comes to the machinations of running a web site, but I do know that bandwidth has to be purchased..... and it ain't cheap!!!! Just like beer! The more you consume, the bigger your tab is going to be.

I've enjoyed your site for several years now (altho' the advent of an up-date only every two weeks really pissed me off!), and quite honestly, I've been wondering when it would come to this. I suppose that a subscription fee will alienate some of your viewers, but I'm willing to bet that 90% of 'em are fucking cheapskates who think you owe them for keeping us entertained. So you go for it, buddy! Even keep the advertisements if you like. I have no qualms about you you making some "over and above" coin. After all, you have a dog to feed!

So put me down as a subscriber automatically. You can't frighten me!!!! One thing though. I did not appreciate your bitchin' and complaining that it was "hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock" in OZ while I'm freezing my nuts off in sub zero weather with snow up to my wing-wang.
And that, for what it's worth, is how a 62 year old viewer feels.

PS. Remember......NEVER kick a cow chip on a hot day!

andy p wrote:
Subject: paying for orsm... me thinks not
mr orsm, you are a swine yet at the same time a champion to humanity, this is why i love your site so much. You will not leave us and make us pay, it took all of 3 seconds to correlate the date and time of update (1/4/04, vis. april fools day). nice try though, i have been with orsm for long enough and remember you pulling the same sort of shit last year....... look forward to more FREE entertainment in the future

[MAD]Goose_69 wrote:
Subject: Who is going to fall for it this time?
Well at exactly this time last year you were cancelling the site to go off on a lovetrip with some slut you met in a bar. I read that and almost cried. I told all my friends that my favorite site was going to shut down. Then your next update came out and I realized I was a dumb ass. Well YOU WON'T TRICK ME THIS TIME ORSM! I think it is WAY too coincidental that you decide to turn into a paysite ON april fools. I really hope this is a joke. If not, well i guess i will have another bill to pay next month! LOVE THE SITE, KEEP IT UP!

Josh wrote:
Subject: A pay site ?
Man this is not just bullshit but this is back-stabbing. You've given the public a free access to hundreds of hours nay thousands of hours of quality entertainment. Now let's be real. No one(well with a few exceptions) is going to pay any amount to view a website. Especially when it used to be free. If I'm going to pay X amount of dollars to view things then the site better do my laundry, organize my folders and clean my fish tank. Although that's impossible, if this is true and not just an april fools joke then you've disappointed a lot of people over the world.

ORSM Loyalist.

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