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orsmupdate 2005.04.01-12.01
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Revolutionising an update near you - welcome to Orsmnet, welcome to April and welcome to another huuuge update!

I'm guessing by this point you guy's have noticed a few changes in this weeks update especially compared to every other update I've done up until this point in the life of Orsmnet. I'm also guessing that pretty much every single one of you is bursting to have the question of "what the fuck!?" answered. Well it's kind of complicated but I shall do my best to explain... I've gone gay.

Before you close this window and move on please allow me to clarify. By saying I've gone gay I don't mean that I'm officially off chicks and spending my spare time at the local gay clubs, walking around in pants with the ass cut out of them or buying a convertible. It's more a case of after spending over four years running this site and posting tens of thousands of pictures of beautiful naked women - I'm bored out of my brain looking at them. Completely over it like you couldn't possibly imagine!

I can't remember the last time I was truly blown away by a set of pics or model that I've posted on the site. It's become repetitive and boring. You could argue that all the chicks I post aren't that good and I should find better ones but its to the point where I swear I have seen every single chick on the web at least twice and if I have to look at another set of fake tits or one more chick with shaved bits I'll go out of my mind.

Admittedly the change in content is fairly drastic and I am not naive enough to think there isn't going to be a few complaints and possibly even a backlash of some kind. All I'm asking is that you guys keep an open mind and bare with me as the coming weeks and months are definitely going to bring some even bigger surprises as we explore some unchartered territory together on this site.

I realise that the gay thing is not everyone's cup of tea and I understand that but I sincerely hope and believe that my readership is mature enough to put peer pressure and societal stigmas aside and embrace this change as a step forward for your own personal growth.

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By this stage everyone is probably wondering if I have actually been converted or not right? Am I a 'fag'? Well that's a hard one to answer and I'm not convinced that I should open my mouth on the matter...

Over the years I've gone to great lengths to keep anything overtly private or identifying off the site for fear of having my privacy breached - just because I blog doesn't mean that I need to involve the world with every little detail of my life plus lets not forget once something is online it's there forever.

I'm getting away from answering the question here. At the moment the answer is no. I don't have a partner of any kind and I've never been 'with' another male before. This isn't to say that I am actively seeking out the man of my dreams or anything like that but I do have an open mind to such things. On the other hand little Miss Right could walk through the door tomorrow and I'll end up doing the 2.4 kids and house in the suburbs thing with never having known otherwise. Fate can be cruel so I refuse to speculate on where I want to go or how I'm going to get there.

This isn't just one of those things. I didn't wake up this morning and decide I need to rapidly change my lifestyle - it's actually something I've been thinking about for a year now... almost to the day funnily enough. What I would like from you guys is to be cool, be patient and give me a chance to find my feet with all this stuff. Enjoy the update.

I'll be updating again in the next 24 hours to give you all a run down on what the feedback has been on the new Orsmnet so please check back! You can drop me a line here and tell me what you think!

Happy April Fools! I'll be swapping this update out for the proper one on Friday night after I have sucked enough people in! -Orsm

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

Like to mix it up? Want sexy, funny, weird, and extreme all in one package? Check out Idleriot.com! Idleriot is the fastest growing site in its genre. And with daily updates (unlike some of its competitors!) there's plenty reason to keep coming back. They're user-friendly too, offering prizes every month for the users with the most points. Submit your stuff and if they use it on the site you get points! Head on over today, you could be this month's winner of an iPod shuffle!

Pages and pages of pussy are available to make your prick drool and drip over at the atk galleria. It's the answer to any gent's girl-next-door fantasies; finally you'll see those sweet titties of those little fillies that fill your pint to the brim at the local pub. You can ogle the asses of those school-uniformed lasses you see at the college across the square. And you can finish up by coming on that prissy missy's muff spread wide with just a click on this shag mag of hot cunts.

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Extreme Uni-Cycling - Ski Doo - Thailand Now - Burger Battle - Flexible & Sexable - Great Pussy Shot

Sweet Cute Blonde - Stripper Mum - Polish Gang War - Teen Webcam Sluts - Hotties Making Out

A young army private is home on leave. He is talking to his dad about his experience at jump school while learning to be a paratrooper."Dad" he says, "on my first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A big black sergent standing behind me told me that if I didn''t jump, he was gonna cram about 12 inches of dick up my ass." "Well did you jump?" asks his dad. "Just a little at first" answered the boy.
Two gay guys were in the shower together when one looked down and saw a puddle of white liquid. He said to the other man What did I tell you about farting in the shower?
Four gay guys walk into a bar and start arguing over who's penis is longer. Well the bar tender finally got sick of hearing them arguing so told them he had a way to solve this problem. He told them to stick their penis' on the bar and he'd tell them who's was bigger. Well just as the put them up there, another gay guy walks in and yells "I'll have the buffet!"

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Young Johnny had been blind since birth. His mother had always explained to him that it was God's will and must be accepted. One Sunday, Johnny's mom came home from church and told Johnny that she'd had a conversation with God and He agreed that it was time to let Johnny see. "He said if you'll pray real hard and fast every day this week, next Sunday you'll be able to see. Young John hardly ate a bite that week and spent his every waking hour praying and waiting for Sunday. By Saturday night he was weak from hunger and exhausted from praying and he dropped off to sleep in great anticipation of morning. Johnny woke to the sound of church bells on the soft Spring morning. He lay with his eyes closed for several minutes to savor the coming event. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and to his great dismay, realized he was still blind. "Mom!" the lad yelled, "I still can't see."

His mother, touching the boy's head softly, said... "Yes, I know Johnny, April Fool!"


I admit that this video made me laugh my ass off. The guy probably thought he was taking home two women for a night of hot, passionate love making. After a few drinks and maybe a bit of foreplay he was introduced to the world of homosexuality and transsexuals in one fowl swoop. He's probably still not walking right. Check it...

- The Tranny Dupe -

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A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch - it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" "I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me." "I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird." "Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers." "Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?" "Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion." The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that." "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."

"What?" asks the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot. "My God!" the guy says. "Then what?" "Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time... "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."

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Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim

Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim - Tim

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Compared to most weeks it's been a little quieter on the email front lately and depending on which way you look at it, it's a good and bad thing. Good because it means less work for me but bad because without it the site will begin to increasingly look more and more blank. I guess what I'm trying to say is click here and send me some damn mail!

Stop The Gestapo Music wrote:
Subject: Pic to add to your collection
Hey! I was at the local airshow with some friends over the weekend and we noticed this rather happy soldier. This was some kind of kids play area, and I just didnt see it that way! Love the site. Peace

Seems somebody has taken it upon themselves to plant the recruitment seeds early. -Orsm

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Subject: pics of friend passed out with pants down
hey, i'll make this brief, we have a friend that's always bragging to our girlfriends about how hung he is. we had a party the other week and we all were smashed ! after his usual bragging session, our friend passed out cold. well, the girls decided to pants him and find out once and for all what he's been bragging about ! man ! he barely had enough to see, LOL !!! i'm attaching the pics that we took after the girls exposed him, hope you will post them on the site.

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matthew wrote:
Subject: penis
can u put this on ur site emaill me back wiv the answer

Ummm... -Orsm

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<with held> wrote:
Subject: Quick laugh
Hey man, love the site, well done good sir. I've been dwelling around here awhile, never had anything to send in, but for some reason beyond my comprehension, these guys make me laugh my balls off, check out the thundercunt in the middle, can you define colour-blind??? Anyways, don't post the e-mail, cause who knows what kind of sick shit these web surfers would send me.

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matthew jones wrote:
Subject: me
hey i was wondering if could but these pics on ur site cos ive always wanted to be on it because its the number 1 site on the net. thnks v.much

I'm not sure I want to know what's going on there... -Orsm

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<with held> wrote:
Subject: roast chicken
Mates stupid stunt called roast chicken

Disturbing. -Orsm

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Dirk Diggler wrote:
Subject: pics
Yo dude, I was sitting at my PC going thru some old pics and I saw this one taken in the Maldives a few years ago. This is a pic of my brothers' "weasel". The other one is just a pic we did for fun. Great site.

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Subject: Holiday in Ibiza - anyone interested???
Hi. Some lads I know are heading to Ibiza this summer but they need 4 more people to get a super package deal in a villa, it will work out at around $99 for the week with flights, any takers? Attached is a picture of the lads causing havoc in Amsterdam last year! If you're not up for it please forward this on to people who might be, let me know! Cheers.

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John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of Johns' sexual orientation and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mark and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Mark came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Mark, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mum."

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Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy - and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship. They all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."



As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned people and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon . His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.

"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked. "It's quite simple," said the receptionist. "This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."

"Cool," said the guy, "count me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware of Gays."

He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"


To celebrate the fabulous new Orsmnet I thought I'd do a massive RS this week. Check it...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

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This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realises it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink." When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."

The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer." The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?" The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"

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Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys

Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys - Rhys

Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together. The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail. The robbery begins.

The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?". "Perfectly," he said.

He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car. One minute passes, two minutes pass... seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!" The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"


I'm not going to rant and rave about this week's video - I don't want to ruin it for you! All I will say is that it features one very hot young stud named Adam that you'll thoroughly enjoy watching do whatever he has to, to make some extra cash for the weekend. Check it...

- Twinks For Cash : Adam Experiences A Real Man -

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Well guys and girls that is pretty much all I'm good for this week. I hope that you've enjoyed this little foray into what is the future of the site. If not, well it's still only April and we've got the rest of the year to try and make you think otherwise....

Until next time be good, stay off the chem’s and RIP Paul Hester. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.



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