|
Hello boys and girls, small children, women and of course alpha males. Well how the fuck are you all this week? I'm happy to report that despite several attempts to the throw me off, overall I am in a generally happy, upbeat kind of mood. Good for me huh!?
Having said that, sadly there's been a distinct lack of anything exciting happening around me for the last week or so for which I blame a combination of living alone and the weather being relatively shit.
What are you meant to do this time of year anyway? You can't go out drinking every weekend because undoubtedly you will come home a couple of hundred dollars poorer. The much adored summer time cruises aren't an option and rainless weekends are few and far between meaning trips to the dog beach are on hold.
With the completely crappy weather we've been subject to there's a strong desire to stay inside where it's all warm and dry. This generally leads to the problem of trying to find entertaining things to do. These may include one of the following: 1. Waste time on the net. 2. Work/be productive. 3. Watch TV. 4. Watch a DVD.
Admittedly most of them are somewhat sedentary but laziness is a dish best served sitting on the couch so that's fine by me.
The problem with TV at the moment is that there's very little on that's worth watching. I don't know, maybe it isn't rating season or whatever. I'm really having trouble staying interested in Big Brother or pretty much all of the reality genre shows [especially since My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé finished] and as a general rule most of the Aussie made programs really don't appeal to me. I mean come on - does channel 7 REALLY expect us to watch that over hyped All Saints crap?
Okay before I offend anyone I will say that we do put out a couple of good shows. Merrick & Rosso Unplanned and Pizza [both out of season at the moment] spring to mind but the majority of decent TV comes out of the US. The only two shows I tune in for religiously each week are Oz and The Sopranos. I'm also a bit of a West Wing fan although the latest season which has been and gone in the US hasn't even begun airing here yet which I find to be gayer than two guys taking a bath together.
This pisses me off and is one of the few disadvantages [if you will] of living in Australia. Most, if not all of the time, I know what's happened in these shows after getting so frustrated with waiting countless months for them to be shown I give up and find one of those sites that gives a play by play synopses of each series. This usually goes a long way to helping whet my appetite but it only lasts so long. So where do you turn when all you want is quality entertainment and no one provides it?
The obvious answer would be to head online and fire up one of the many file sharing programs available such as Kazaa Lite or Bit Torrent. A fast internet connection, a quick search and several weeks of persistent downloading can yield an entire series of almost anything you can think of which can then be burnt as a VCD or DVD and watched in the comfort of your own lounge room. Of course such activities would violate strict copyright laws and are therefore illegal which is why I would never partake or recommend anyone run the gauntlet and engage in them...
To be honest if I like a show enough then I am more than happy to buy the DVD however the mind boggles as to why distribution houses don't hurry the fuck up and release things sooner whilst the desire to see them again is still strong.
Pay TV isn't much better than regular free-to-air TV. Almost everything is a repeat and if you haven't seen it then it probably aint worth watching in the first place. Same with DVD's. I swear I have seen all the movies [worth watching] in my local Block Buster store which has led me to stop going there unless I know a particular new release is in.
The funny thing is that I don't really watch THAT MUCH TV as it is yet somehow over the last 26 and a bit years I've managed to squeeze in the time to watch everything and anything and now thanks to the beauty of the internet, find a place to complain about it!
Thanks be also to the internet for being able to deliver straight to your house sites like this and NewbieNudes.com. Newbies never ceases to amaze me in the way they can coax people like yourself & your GF/BF to collectively upload over 500 nude pics a day. If you haven't checked it out - head on over to NewbieNudes.com - you can thank me later...
Finding sites on the internet that are decent is hard. I mean we all know that the internet is full of plenty of zero content wannabe sites which is why it's always a bonus when you find something worth spending some time on. I'm talking about My Free Paysite. This site is truly a cut above the rest - tonnes of streaming vids, tonnes of pics and its all FREE! Check out MyFreePaySite.com now.
I can think of two reasons
why you haven't checked out Revenge
TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and
haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of
the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you
are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands
of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover
in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back?
Revenge TV
is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
Protesting - Saddam's Hidden Weapons - Sand Castles - Silverwood Lake - Fucking USA - Cheap Lambo
Nitrous Explosion - Rubics Madness - 50 Free HP - Jail Rape Calculator
Imagine the fun you could have with an over active imagination and an even bigger supply of post it notes...
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day.
So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."
"No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him.
So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from me! Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die.
This pissed me off even more, so in a rage I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a bad day, and it WAS a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK, Sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK. Here's the rule. Before I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died."
"Sure thing," the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my fingers! Well, of course I fall. I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!"
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate. "Tell me about the day you died," said the angel. "OK. Picture this," says the man. "I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."
One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said. But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place - the grass is almost a foot high!"
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park .One day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm... they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother "What are they are doing?" And her mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, eh?" Shocked, the Mother says, "How do you know?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
ORSM VIDEO
It would be so damn cool if I could do shit like this guy does alas I am unable to even ride a motorbike due to a freak accident I sustained whilst scaling Mount Everest as an infant [I don't like to talk about it]. Anyways, check this out - he does some pretty amazing stuff...
Cool Bike Stunts |
 |
A Jewish family is considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Jewish facilities are completely full so they have to put him in a Catholic home. After a few weeks
in the Catholic facility they come to visit grandpa.
"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson. "It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa. "We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you."
"Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile. "There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!
And there's a physician here - 90 years old. He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still call him 'Doctor'! And me, I haven't had sex for 30 years and they still call me 'the Fucking Jew'."
A married man goes into the confessional and says to his priest, "I had an affair with a woman... almost." The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?" The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5 Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves the confessional, says his prayers then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly runs over to him saying, "I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!" The man replies, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and apparently that's the same as putting it in."
A farmer goes to his local farm equipment store and tells the salesman he wants to buy a milking machine. "Certainly, sir. Right this way," says the salesman.
"How many cows will you be milking?" "Just one," says the farmer. "Oh," says the salesman. "Well, sir, I really wouldn't recommend a milking machine for only one cow. You could milk three cows by hand in the time it would take you to set up the machine and clean it afterwards." I said I want a milking machine. Now, are you going to sell me one, or not?" the farmer replies indignantly. "Well, sure, I'll sell you one if that's what you want. Just making sure, that's all," says the salesman.
The salesman shows the farmer the milking machines and the farmer picks one out, after reiterating to the salesman that, yes, he really does want the machine even though he only has one cow. After he's rung up the sale, the salesman's curiosity gets the best of him. "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, why are you so insistent on buying this milking machine even after all I've said?"
"Well," says the farmer, "I got a new cow a couple of weeks ago. The first time I tried to milk her, I tried from the left side and she put her left foot in the bucket. The next day, I tried milking her from the right side and she put her right foot in the bucket. Then the next day, I tried milking her from behind and she put her tail in the bucket. The next day, being fed up, I tied her left leg to the left side of the barn, her right leg to the right side of the barn, and her tail to the rafter. Now if you can convince my wife that all I wanted to do was milk that cow, I won't need this milking machine."
When the Software industry had badly gone down, three software giants. Sun, SCO(UNIX), and Microsoft started producing condoms and named them Java-condom, CondomiX, and MS-Condoms Me respectively.
A customer using Java-condom complained to Sun that the condom didn't fit correctly. Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard".
They boasted that it would fit any size irrespective of the underlying structure. Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and found that by the time he would finish reading the instructions given along with it, his wife would fall asleep, and he himself would forget why he was using CondomiX.
Finally, he switched to MS-Condoms Me. To his surprise it was so good and comfortable! He used it happily. Six months later, he found that his wife was pregnant. He got angry and complained to Microsoft. He got the following reply from Microsoft: A PATCH IS COMING SOON...!!
READER MAIL
Tim Baxter wrote:
Subject: Why?
Fuck you for making fun out of this picture.... Tell me what is funny about someone starving to death as a photographer chronicles it like a wild-life film.
C'mon you prick.... explain yourself.... what is funny about the picture above????????
This is a step below your satire "The Nigga Family Film" Great moves......... racism..... you can almost get away with that!!! ...... Revelling in a human being starving to death aint funny, it aint satirical and it sure as fuck shouldn't celebrated. Fuck you and fuck anyone who celebrates this sort of humour!
|
 |
HL wrote:
Subject: Who? - part II - "The smell of crap returns"
Hi again!
Still regarding the Audi A3 crash:
I've read that e-mail you transcribed to your page, the one that say that it
was "supposed to have happened in Newfoudland", by ve3wno. Well, I've done a
little bit of research and I've found evidence that back me up:
Link here.
Anyone with an online translator may catch the ideas behind the article.
Even the photo is one of that set.
I was going to say it happened about 4 months ago, but it happened in
February, on Carnival week.
So its bullshit the story of 6-8 months ago.
How can someone have shared pics of the crash more than half a year ago, if
it only happened 4 months ago??
Smells like crap to me...
Any doubts?
-Enhance the right upper corner on the second photo, you'll see on the
ambulance "B.V. ESMORIZ", meaning "Bombeiros Voluntários de Esmoriz", which
is the equivalent of Esmoriz Fire Department on the english language. |
<with held> wrote:
Subject: Hey Mr. ORSM
How to know you are a party-loser:
1- At parties, you don't get up and dance, instead, you keep laughing about how other people are
2- You check you mobile every 5 to 10 minutes while dancing. Just an excuse to stop moving
3- You keep checking if other people are looking at you while dancing
4- Holding your drink (even after it's empty) while dancing, so that you have an excuse why you aren't moving your hand
5- You keep walking around/between the dancers acting like you were searching for someone
6- You leave early, telling everybody a dumb reason like : "I have to wake up early"
7- Everytime you feel that everyone from the opposite sex at a party is not your "type", and convince yourself that this is the reason why you aren't asking anyone for a dance
8- You laugh at a friend dancing his/her ass off
9- If you feel akward when seeing a couple kissing or making out around you
10- If you want time to pass as fast as possible so you can go back home
Fuck. That's all me. -Orsm
|
Bruce wrote:
Subject: loved the new update
Sir, an exceptional job done on your latest update! i was especially impressed with your US Navy pix, as I've got two (2) sons serving aboard aircraft carriers, both deployed at the present time, and a son n law in the Navy as well. Please keep up the good work that you do, and I'll continually visit your site!
|
Philipp C. Haidbauer wrote:
Subject: maybe you wanna post these pics
hi dude. maybe you want to show a picture of austrians best/craziest pilots on your website... me (JOKER) and one of my best friends (DIABLO). we would be proud
|
Ryan Taylor wrote:
Subject: Drag Car
Mr Orsm, You weren't at the Nitro Champs at Western Sydney International Dragway last weekend by any chance where you?
|
 |
Gábor Zoltán wrote:
Subject: pryceless pics
Hi! I send to you 2 pics. I hope, you'll take these pics on your site (pryceless pics category)! In first picture see girl's left hand! :) The second pic is the "revenge"! :)
|
 |
 |
Patty wrote:
Subject: Pic of a biatch
Hey Orsm Master. just wanted to sed you a pic of a german biatch. First she fucked with me and then with a friend of mine. He just sleept after all. Plz, don't show my email address. Thanks. Love your site!
|
 |
 |
Mr. Acura wrote:
Subject: whats wrong with viewers pics?
Hello from the USA. last posting PlNOY 123 had 4 pics of his EX. Did anyone else see that he took the pictures off the tv because you can see the reflection of the Flash. Now really pinoy let me ask you a question what video store was the movie from, and when is your high school graduation. This kid probably jerks off so much in the shower when he goes out in the rain he gets a hard on.
|
Celina wrote:
Subject: please
Im desperately trying to become an internet slut and Im almost there if I do say so myself. I long for the day to see my naked slut self plastered across the monitor for the the world to see. Id be forever yours if youd post a pic of me on your site!!! Its not a nude one but id be happy to send you some of those as well.
|
 |
 |
Brad T wrote:
Subject: Orsm Coca Cola Picture
I was bored the other day and decided to create a little something in your
honour. Enjoy (no pun intended)
Nice! -Orsm
|
 |
Kevin wrote:
Subject: Poor Saab
Last night there was a wind/rain storm in Seattle. My friend took these. Poor Saab got crushed.
Look at the bright side - it was only a Saab. -Orsm
|
 |
 |
A man desperate for sex goes to a whorehouse with only $5 to his name. He approaches the madam of the house who politely informs him that five dollars won't get him anything. He pleads and pleads for sex until the madam finally tells him: "OK, go to room five."
Our horny hero heads over to room five, opens the door and sees this just absolutely beautiful blond girl lying there naked. Without any hesitation, he jumps on her and starts going at it. Five hours later, he's almost done when sperm starts coming out of her ears, her eyes, her mouth.... just everywhere! The guy freaks and runs to the front where he tells the madam what's happened. She yells out, "Can we have a clean up in room 5 please! The dead girl is full again!"
Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The guy in back says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!" The first guys turns around and says, "hey man, shut the hell up!"
Then two women come out and start stripping. The guy in back, once again, starts, "Yeah baby... mmm... yeah!" Once again the guy in front turns around and tells the man to be quiet.
So three women come out and start stripping. The guy in back is silent. The guy in front says, "Hey man, where's all your excitement now?" The guy behind him says, "All over your back!"
A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "Its fart Rugby." A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Try and conversion - 7points each".
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Penalty - 10 to 7." Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Penalty 10 each." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Drop goal, I lead 13 to 10."
Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realising a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he craps in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, change sides."
As it were, an Irish woman "of a certain age", visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "he won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem,"- replied the doctor. -"drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later, but she rang up the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear claimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! It was horrid. Just terrible, Doctor!" "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee, didn't I? The effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!"
"Why so terrible?"- asked the doctor. -"Do you mean the sex was not good?" "No, no, no, Doctor. The sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years. But I'll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again.
RANDOM SHITE
Another fine RS offering this week and I'm sure you will all agree with me on that too... and if for some reason you dont then ask your mum because let me tell you she was in agreeance with what I gave her last nite...
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
-
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
|
 |
 |
In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies (BBQ's).
He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies. God saw that it was good.
Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day. On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach. God saw that it was good.
Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies. God saw that it was good.
Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day. On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for: chops, sausages, steak and prawns for barbies. God saw that it was good.
Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day. On the Fifth day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at barbies. God saw that it was good.
Evening came and morning came and it was the Sixth Day. On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes. God saw that it was good.
Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day. On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the good Blokes, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good.... well almost good. God saw that the blokes were tired and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, have sex on demand, wash, cook and clean the barbie. God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that, it was bloody good.
IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!
 |
|
A Kid asks his Dad "Hey Dad, where did I come from?" Dad replies "Okay, we had to have this conversation some day! Listen... Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafe. Then, mom did some downloads from dad's memory stick and when dad was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus appeared." The child "Huh?"
ORSM VIDEO
A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?" She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody at any time, any where - your place or my place, it doesn't matter to me."
The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "No shit? What law firm do you work for?"
For such a small update you can believe me when I say a fuck load of work went into getting this bitch together. Plenty of fun though - imagine how many god damn videos and pictures I have to look at to come up with what you've just surfed through!
Thats about all for me for another week. Make sure you tune back in next week for more of the same and I'll make sure I crank out an update. Anyways until next time be good, stay off the chem's and for god's sake share the love and visit my wishlist would ya!? Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
