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Welcome to Orsmnet. Keeping it
real since around 4pm today.
Saturday... what can I say about
Saturday? As I mentioned last week this was the day of the AFL Grand
Final - Eagles versus Swans... west versus east... us versus them.
The plan for the day was to do
some chores and head into the city to watch the game at our local
although it didn't turn out like that. You ever have those days
where you wake up just angry at the world? That was me on Saturday.
For no apparent reason I just wanted to hurt something or [even
better] someone. It was about then I decided that I would hang home
and watch the game by myself... and thats I did.
The good thing about going solo
for such things is that there's no one to interrupt, no one to make
noise, no one to block the screen and you always get your favourite
seat. Not that it mattered too much on the day though because if
you're an Aussie you'll be [possibly painfully] aware that the Eagles
were sadly defeated. I don't want to say I told you so here but
if you hit the September archives
you will see I did! No matter... there's always next year right?
The rest of the day was spent
exercising the dog and attacking the weeds that have taken a hold
outside. The odd thing about weeding [which I was dreading] is that
I actually found it quite relaxing and a good way to clear my head
plus the only distraction to speak of is spotting a new super-weed
that needs my urgent, violent attention. I cranked up the radio,
put on my gardening gloves, grabbed my de-weeder thingy and within
a few hours managed to half fill a wheelie bin. Good shit.
Sunday was a better day. I woke
up at 8am but stayed in bed for a couple of hours being lazy and
watching TV - one must do these things occasionally. After that
it was lunch with some friends at a restaurant I have been meaning
to try for frickin ages then a cruise up and down the coast before
heading home to get ready for evening ahead.
The evening ahead was of course
drinks with the crew to celebrate the passing of another year for
myself and a couple of mates with similar birth dates. Over all
it was a good nite... I got drunk [but not spastically] and had
a good time - what
else can you ask for?
The next day was [thankfully]
a public holiday... I think this one may even have been for the
Queens birthday too! Allow me to explain that: every time there
is a public holiday approaching everyone always seems to think it's
for the Queens birthday. We have 4 of 5 pub hols a year... surely
she doesn't celebrate it that often?
Once again a nice late alcohol
induced sleep in was how I spent the morning but after that it was
back to weeding. More, more, more weeds. Ever get so badly sunburnt
your skin peels? It was like when you start picking at it... start
at one edge and you just keeps going and going and going obsessively
more and more. The only reason I actually stopped is due to the
bin being full. Weather permitting I'll be back out there again
this weekend so if anyone would like share this rewarding experience
please let me know.
Before we get on with it...
the little Easter egg competition I ran last week. There was a winner
and I will email him tomorrow. There were a couple of runners-up
so I will try and find something for you guys too. As for the correct
answer - It was 28. By the way, thanks to all you assholes who guessed
I was over 30!! Anyway let's get on with this update shall we...
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
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I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
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Rate
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The Truth
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his
daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed in an accident". "OH NO!" the
President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sit stunned
at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president
sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks...
''How many is a Brazillion ??!"
There was a gentleman living in a small village
who had a stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of
a nursing mother.
Well, there weren't too many women in the village
nursing babies and even fewer who would agree to allow a grown man
to suck on their breast. But low and behold, the poor man finally
found a rather buxom young girl who had recently given birth and
was willing to help him out--for a price.
The man was desperate because his condition was
growing worse, so he agreed to pay the woman the amount of money
she demanded. After all, the woman had a newborn baby to care for
and the father had abandoned them to their fate. The first day was
a bit awkward as the man showed up and, with a bit of anxiety and
embarrassment, leaned over and began to suckle the woman's breast.
Well, weeks went by and the awkwardness began to fade. One day,
the woman realised that the man's suckling was beginning to arouse
her sexually.
It became almost unbearable and finally, in a
sensuous voice, she said, "Is there anything else you'd like?"
The man paused in his suckling for a moment, looked up at her, and
said, "Yeah, got any cookies?"
ORSM
VIDEO
I thought I had better post another Cassidy
vid on account of you guy's seem to be going mental for her.
What's so good about a hot blonde with huge boobs and a gorgeous
smile anyway? If you all like this I'm sure you will let
me know if you wanna see more of her in the future. Check
it...
- The
Amazing Cassidy Returns - |
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I'VE
BEEN PLUGGING ALL SITE ACCESS FOR SO LONG NOW I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT
TIME TO BUY A MEMBERSHIP AND CHECK IT OUT FOR MYSELF! WHY THE HELL
DID I WAIT SO LONG? THIS IS AWESOME! CLICK HERE & CHECK IT OUT!
A man working in a pickle factory has a tremendous
urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. He is so overwhelmed
by this desire that sometimes he is just barely able to contain
it. He becomes very worried and goes to see a psychiatrist.
The doctor mentions a similar case in which a
man wanted to put his hand on a hot stove." "What happened? Asked
the man. "The patient did put his hand on a hot stove," says the
psychiatrist, "and he burned himself. But after that he never had
the desire again. So my advice to you would be: if you have the
urge to put your penis into the slicer, follow your impulse and
try it." "All right," says the man, and he leaves.
At his next appointment, the doctor asks him
if he followed his advice. "Yes, I did", says the man. "I stuck
my penis into the pickle slicer." "And what happened?" asked the
doctor. "Well," replies the man, "We both got fired."
Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet?
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a look!
READER MAIL
Another week, another massive influx
of email from you guys out there on the interweb. I'm sure that
the Reader Mail section is slowly getting bigger and bigger each
week too but I daren't complain about it because the day I wake
up and find my inbox devoid of naked girlfriend pics, funny jokes,
stupid videos or random other cool shit is the day I turn my computer
off and walk away forever... so keep sending
me your stuff!
Andrew Christian
wrote:
Subject: the cricket
I find it really pathetic that the aussies
cant take losing the cricket and blame everything else but
themselves. The pitches were not crap, they were fine. Maybe
you should look at your ageing team and inject some youth
rather than sticking with the old and drug addicted bowling
attack that you call "world class". What a joke.
You are all just jealous of a clearly far superior English
team.
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John
wrote:
Subject: cyclone katrina's crocodile.??.
dear mr orsm, i am probably the millionth
email you have had regarding the "crocodile"
in your last posting. unless this reptile escaped from a
zoo somewhere, the pics are a bunch of crap. septics keep
alligators in their swamps, and this is definitely not an
alligator. this is a crocadile, looks to me to be of the
nile variety, (african), and that can be supported by what
the brothers are wearing and the vehicle.
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ThatGuy
wrote:
Subject: New Orleans crocodile is a hoax
First of all, great site, been visiting
for years. Just thought you'd like to know that the 21
FT long crocodile found in New Orleans swimming down
the street are actually pictures of the "Monster Crocodile
of Pointe-Noire" (in the Republic of the Congo). They've
been circulating
for over two years. The crocodile was really estimated
to be 16 feet long and weighed about 1874 lbs.
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Rich
wrote:
Subject: Croc Pics
That
21 ft croc that Lee reckons was caught in New Orleans
is a crock. New Orleans might be a poor city but it isn't
inhabited by large numbers of north Africans driving WWII
era trucks.
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John
wrote:
Subject: Levitation Vid
Hey Orsm. Saw someone asking about the
levitation
video from a few weeks back. It was performed by a well
respected magician called Criss Angel. The bloke asking
can find more about him and his stuff here.
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andrzej
wrote:
Subject: Levitation vid
Regarding one of your visitor's question
about the levitation
video - here's
a link with an answer. Basically it involves Balducci
levitation, whereby the illusionist rises off the ground
by raising to his toes on one foot. If the angle is correct
(kind of sideways from behind) it looks like the person
is levitating slightly. David Blaine (guy in the video)
would do this on the street, record the reaction of the
crowd, then using harnesses etc videotape himself "levitating"
as high as you see in that video, then edit out the harnesses
etc, edit in the crowd's reaction from the Balducci levitation,
and voila! Quite misleading..
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Mad Germans...
Bitter is German company with a long
history of draping new body work over Opels and adding obscene
price tags. This
is what happens when you leave a bunch of mad Germans alone
in a room with a Monaro. They butcher it and then want
to charge you $180 000 for the pleasure! Aside from the
obvious aesthetic modifications, all they've added is a
bit of woodgrain and leather to the interior, it's still
a stock standard Monaro underneath... no mechanical changes!
I just cant think why you'd pay $180k for an ugly version
of a $60k car?
What an ugly piece of shit. -Orsm
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jpbuch
wrote:
Subject: Crazy
Ever wanted to own a different breed
of dog? Well, if you got one already, try
this out. That is just not right!
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J. Pennell
wrote:
Subject: um....uh....
Far be it from me to criticize, but in
the spirit of furthering knowledge the sun doesn't rise
over the ocean in California unless the planet has reversed
rotation.
Eh...? -Orsm
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H
poonia wrote:
Subject: purchase
Hi may name is Shariz and i love your website
it is the best on i have seen i was wondering if you would
be able to tell me where i can purchase 3d joke man videos.
my email address is sharatdilgir@hotmail.com
Eh? -Orsm |
Goliath Cobalt
wrote:
Subject: Smith & Wesson
Hey Mr. Orsm, Fan of your site. Haven't
missed an update in the past 2 years. Great job on the site.
Now then...The Smith
& Wesson site is bogus btw. The "webcam"
image is just a animated gif that repeats. The humor is
still there, though not quite so much without the actual
webcam.
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m p
wrote:
Subject: pictures of vehicle dashes
I have been reading your site for many
years and always look forward to the next update. But I
have to "vent" some frustration. I'm really tired
of seeing pictures of vehicle insturment clusters. If your
really traveling as fast as you say you are then lift the
camera up a little to show the view through the windshield.
I can sit in my shop all day and peg the insturment cluster
of many cars out. Would you like to see a 1985 Trans Am
do 180 MPH, or would a Bmw 325 doing 180+ be better. It
takes someone proving it with more than a speedo pegged
out to satisfy me. Keep up the great work on your sight
and drink a beer for me (aussie style). If you want to put
my e-mail down..... so be it. I will put my vehicles against
them anyday!
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Jamie Stewart
wrote:
Subject: my dad
my dad wrote in about his porsche
944 in england and what he didnt tell you was that not
only is this a cool pic but he did it 17 years ago when
the cars wernt as good and it was very rare! hats off to
the man!
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Paul
wrote:
Subject: Sand
Hey there Orsm, love the site for all
sorts of reasons keep it up mate, just a quick question
to ask about the video clip with sand art, are you sure
it's a lady because it looks very much like the work of
Hungarian artist Ferenc
Cako. The guy has been doing this for years now, astounding
audiences wherever he goes and to hear that someone else
is doing it now too would probably make him very happy.
Go to 1.26 on
the video and you will see it's a chick. I have been
meaning to post the Cako vid for well over a year now and
will probably do so next week. -Orsm
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^SaLaD FiNgErS^
wrote:
Subject: Some distubing pic just for u Mr.Orsm...hope you
like
Hey Mr.Orsm. Love your site, been a frequent
visitor for the past year now and would like to try to impress
you with some thing of mine. Here are two pics which i took
to my friend when we went to a small vacation in GOZO this
summer.....Its the same guy in the photos in one pic he
is showing his natural talent by balancing a broom on a
certain part of his body, the other one is quite a sad pic
(notice the strange smile on his face!).... it makes you
think doesn't it!! :P i'll let you decide for ur self!
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Swanx
wrote:
Subject: Orsm bridges
Hello Orsm, Brilliant site you have mate.I
was just looking at the latest update from th 22nd
Septmeber, when i cam across the Amazing
Bridges. There is a brilliant bridge just down the road
from me linking Newcastle upon Tyne and Gateshead going
over the Tyne bridge. It's known by a few names such as
the Eye, and the Gateshead Millenium Bridge.
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Jay
wrote:
Subject: Funny Picture of Cheney
Hey Orsm, I'm a regular reader of your
site, and a fellow Aussie. Thanks for your slog in putting
your site together without fail every week. I noticed this
on Google News, and I thought it's worth a screenshot. Hope
you find this as funny as I did!
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<with hold>
wrote:
Subject: perfect set
Mr Orsm. I have been a fan of your site
for years and have always wanted to send in some sexy pics
of my girlfriend, but have always been threatened with death
by scrotal blood loss. Then, after this last photo, she
agreed to let one past the censors. Hope it brings a little
joy to the readers. Keep up the great work on your site.
|
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Easter eggs
I couldn't find no easter eggs at all.
heaps of hidden links to some good movies and shit... but
no fricken' easter eggs. I want chocolate!!! Oh OK, here's
a pic I found...... its a mates missus... old pics, and
she don't look this good now, but anyways. If you put it
up, no details, huh.
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Pat wrote:
Subject: Pic I found in the Chicks n Stuff galleries
Found
this pic in the galleries. I found it amusing. Cheers.
Probably the most incredibly immature email I have ever received...
keep up the good work. -Orsm |
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H wrote:
Subject: London
Hi Orsm, I have attached two pictures
that I found whilst scouring the internet post-London bomb
attacks. They show a Brit SAS trooper kitted up in London.
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DtM
wrote:
Subject: Hurrican Katrina
Before and after shots of Shell mars
Platform in gulf of mexico.
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Kristian Fox
wrote:
Subject: Want to take a senic drive?
There was a really good documentary on
the construction of it on Discovery or TLC a month or so
ago. It's located in southern France, and is the highest
bridge in the world. See [here]
for details of location and construction. It is a truly
amazing piece of engineering, especially considering the
method used to span the distance between the piers. By the
way, the red towers you see in the photo were removed following
completion of the bridge.
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Gentreau
wrote:
Subject: More amazing engineering
Here's some pics of the newly built Millau
viaduct in France, it carries the motorway across a valley
at som 300m high. Us the pics if you want, but dont mention
my details, ta.
We've actually had
this before but it's so damn impressive you guy's get
it again. -Orsm
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Craig
wrote:
Subject: Jammed nose wheel on plane
The plane that recently landed with a
jammed nosewhell.... Pics
Amazing! -Orsm
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Chuditch
wrote:
Subject: my pet cars
Please find attached pictures of my pet
cat approximately 2 months before we had her put down. The
horrible festering, drippy, bleeding cave appearing on her
nose is from some form of cancer. She is nearly 20 years
old in these photos and the cancer had begun to rapidly
errode her face. It was very depressing having to put her
down because this was the only thing wrong with the old
girl.
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DtM
wrote:
Subject: Favour
Hey Guys!!! Could I ask you a favour
on behalf of an old friend? I've known him for ages and
he's worked in the media industry for a number of years.
He is interested in a job as a sales rep or some such job
if you know of any going. I would greatly appreciate any
advice you might be able to offer. Would you mind having
a brief glance at his CV (I've attached it) just to see
whether you think he might be suitable for anything you
know of?
|
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Craig
wrote:
Subject: Radio station interview.
A compressed file of some dude singing
on a talent contest on Adelaide radio. very well done. you
should like.....
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dee
wrote:
Subject: another lebron clip
hey orsm, thought i'd follow up that
previous lebron clip [him
shooting from full court] with this awesume dunk. enjoy!
|
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Adrian
wrote:
Subject: ......BOMB FOOTAGE......
Hey all_ Heres some actual underground
CCTV footage from London bombings...
Looking at the date stamped on
the clip I am pretty sure this is the Madrid bombings. Scary
stuff. -Orsm
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He was 80, she was 20. It was the stir of the
town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a
year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse
came out to congratulate the fellow saying: "This is amazing.
How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got
to keep that old motor running."
The following year the young bride gave birth
again. The same nurse said "You are truly amazing. How do you
do it?" Again he said "You've got to keep the old motor
running."
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse
then said: "Well, well, well, you certainly are quite a man!"
He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The nurse then said "Well, you better change
the oil. This one's black!"
A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly
gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?"
St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.
"On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a
gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So,
I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked
him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring,
and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or you'll
answer to me!"
St. Peter was impressed: "When did this
happen?" "Just a couple of minutes ago..."
ORSM
VIDEO
THE
CAMERA'S OUT, THE CLOTHES ARE OFF & THE PARTY'S ON - CHECK THIS
OUT!
A white guy is walking along a beach
when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks
up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he
has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and
the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom,
in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to
all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something
soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $1,000
bills!
Then, there's a knock at the door. . . He answers
it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb
and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove
their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to
the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these
beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand
him wanting to be a millionaire, but why he wanted to be hung like
a black man is beyond me..."
ALL
YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT GIRLS LOVE FUCKING GIRLS!
RANDOM SHITE
Okay so I messed with a few
of you guys in last weeks RS. There were complaints about
this and that and blah blah blah but hey - how else am I meant
to have my fun? All you gotta wonder now is what's waiting
for you this week. Check it...
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS |
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After 35 years of carrying the mail
through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood, the mailman
was going to retire. When he arrived at the first house on his route,
he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated
him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with
a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection
of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by
a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him
by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to
the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love
he had ever experienced!
When he had enough, they went downstairs where
she fixed him a giant breakfast... eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage,
blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a
cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar
bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All of this was just too wonderful for words",
he said; "But what's the dollar for?"
"Well", she said, "last night, I told my husband
that today would be your last day, and that we should do something
special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said 'Screw
him. Give him a dollar'... the breakfast was my idea!!"
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing
home. Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60- year-old.
You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you
stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old.
When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement anymore. You
take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin'
comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty
is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing
too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, not really. I pee every
morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem
at all."
"Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation,
the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every
morning at 6:00 and poop every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough
about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00."
I was testing the children in my Sunday school
class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage
sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into
Heaven?" "NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed
the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into
Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was
fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to
all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!"
I was just bursting with pride for them. Well,
I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA
BE FUCKING DEAD!"
Well guys I think that’s a wrap. I’m
tired, hungry and can’t think of anything I would rather do
right now than get the hell away from the computer. As usual, with
some luck, I’ve managed to keep you away from whatever else
it is that you’re supposed to be doing right now and if that’s
the case then mission accomplished. Anyway, all I ask in return
is that you tell your friends and family and send them here to share
the love!
Until next time be good, stay off the chems and
ensure hands and feet remain within the vehicle at all times. Enjoy.
Mr. Orsm. |
