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Welcome pilgrims to Orsmnet and
thanks for giving.
Some of you guy's may remember
me crapping on about my upcoming school reunion a while back and
I'm happy to report that it's finally been and gone. In the lead
up I changed my mind a few times as to whether or not I would actually
attend but despite that, I was always going to go. Yes its hard
being me.
The whole thing wasn't without
some bitching and complaining though. Somewhere along the line my
name was tossed up to help with [read: do] the IT stuff. Fair enough
- happy to do my bit so I set up a crappy little website and some
forums so people could communicate [all of which went totally unused
come to think of it] and looked into setting up a webcam link between
here and where ever the London contingent from our year was going
to be.
They seemed to expect us to have
some sort of live hook up not dissimilar to how it's done on TV
and all over a 56k modem which is apparently all we would have at
our disposal at the venue. Ended up we did have a high-speed connection
available so we organised a laptop, a webcam and had it running
within 10 minutes of arriving which would have been perfect if the
other end didn't waste a few hours trying to get their shit working.
There's a word for it but I aren't going to call anyone a spastic
because that would be mean...
After that was out of the way
it was time to start doing what you're supposed to do at reunions
and talk to people whilst consuming alcohol. All I can say is thank
Christ for name tags or there would have been a lot more unfamiliar
faces in the room although this wasn't exactly fool proof. On a
couple of occasions people walked up to me to say howdy and appeared
somewhat dejected when I asked if we knew each other from school
or were they there as someone's partner. Ah well...
What was most interesting was
what people are doing now and this information could be extracted
with one or any combination of three simple questions. "So what
are you doing now?", "where are you living these days?" and "are
you married or single or what?". The answers were: some absolutely
nothing, others in trades or fancy high paying jobs through to at
home with the kids. Some living overseas, some still at home with
the parentals. Some single, some married, some divorced. It soon
becomes pretty clear that reunions are just one big wank fest -
everyone wants you to know that life is good whether this is the
case or not.
Seeing how people turned out
is what it's all about. Some had not changed in the slightest. Some
of the ugly chicks got hot. Some of the beautiful people were plain
and boring. Some of the geeky, withdrawn types had gone from unapproachable
to doing the approaching. I guess when you break it all down the
dynamics are fascinating.
For me the answer to the "what
are you doing now?" question was a simple 'IT consulting'. That's
not to say I'm ashamed of this site or anything - quite the opposite
- I just thought it was probably the smart move to say I was a computer
nerd as opposed to the Chinese whispers that inevitably take place
but that pretty much went out the window once a certain level of
inebriation was reached.
On a whole the reunion
wasn't too bad. I had absolutely no idea what to expect but it was
good to catch up with some of the guys I used to hang around with
in high school. It's funny what people remember - the jokes, the
nicknames, the idiosyncrasies or certain people and just some of
the long forgotten shit we used to get up to. I'm already looking
forward to the next one...
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of
vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love
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I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
Stupid
Human Tricks - The
Singhsons - Punctuation
- Lego
Church - Perverted
Personals
Girls
Gone Wild - Britney
Spears Flash - Fat
Chick Idol - Aboriginal
Idol - Inside
The Klan - Expensive
Two blondes Sharon and Carmen walk into a department
store to the counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays
it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you
think, Carmen." "Yeah. What's it called Sharon?"
"Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What the does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi,
ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon takes another sniff
and offers her arm to Carmen again saying, "That doesn't smell
like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
--
The couple had split up a few months ago but still remained good
friends, which worked out nicely since they lived in the same apartment
building. One day the man slipped on the ice and broke his arm.
He met his ex in the lift and she asked if there was anything she
could do to help. He said, "Well, if it's not too much trouble,
could you help me take a bath?" She readily agreed and soon
was washing him when she saw an erection begin to appear. "Now
isn't that sweet," she cooed. "Look, it still recognises
me."
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A couple attending an art exhibition at the National
Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them totally confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on
a park bench. Two of the men had black penises, but the one seated
in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realised
the confused couple were having trouble interpreting the painting
and offered his assessment. He went on and on for nearly half an
hour, explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans
in a predominantly white, patriarchal society.
"In fact," he pointed out, "some
serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural
and sociological oppression expressed by gay men in contemporary
society." After the curator left, an Irishman approached the
couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting
is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an
expert than the curator of the Gallery," asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In
fact, there is no African-American representation at all. They're
just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for
lunch..."
One night, a father passed by his son's room
and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma.
Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant,
but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa
dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself
that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again:
"God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until
morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor,
dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to
wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the
boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed
up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make
sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was
waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we
could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this
morning!"
ORSM
VIDEO
I've had this next clip kicking around
on my hard drive for years now - I could never bring myself
to delete it. Why? It's definitely not the best porn you will
ever see and the couple is not exactly what you would call
hot but its one redeeming feature is how fucking annoying
the guy is. The guy carries on like a complete retard and
it offends me on more levels that I am probably aware of.
I'm completely non-violent but I sooo want to punch him. Check
it out...
- Most
Annoying Porn Ever - |
 |
HOW
DOES ALL SITE ACCESS TO 12 OF THE BEST REALITY PORN SITES FOR THE
PRICE OF JUST ONE SOUND?
CHECK IT @ ALLSITEACCESS.COM!
Many years ago a man was travelling through the
mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and
he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the
farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he
could sleep in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked
her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?" "That
fellow is travelling through," said the farmer. "Needs
a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in
the barn."
The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry."
So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out
to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing
dishevelled and straw in her hair.
Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife
was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was
thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn,
and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew,
her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.
The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn
got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he
left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone,
she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying
goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last
night!"
"What?" shouted the father as he angrily
ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway
up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going
to get you! You had sex with my daughter!" The man looked back
down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and
yelled out... "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO!"
I keep getting emails from you guy's asking me
what the catch is with MyFreePaySite.com
and I'm here to set the record straight - THERE IS NO CATCH! You
won't end up with a massive credit card or phone bill or tonnes
of junk mail or anything else you don;t want.
It's a lot like Orsmnet and all fucking FREE!
So why wouldn't you click click
here and try it!? Tonnes of FREE
pics, vids, live web cams plus a whole lot of other stuff that I'll
leave you guy's to discover for yourselves! Check it here.
READER MAIL
I always love hearing from you fine folks
out there on this interweb thingy so keep the mail rolling in! If
you've got something to say, something you wanna see on the site
or feel it necessary to attack my character then you may do so by
clicking here.
Danielle Morgan
wrote:
Subject: Pryceless Photos
Great site you have. One thing about
the priceless
photos. They're great but you have so many. I think
it's time to cut the crap ones out and get it back to 20
pages. Also I think the 4-5 photos where you have the persons
fullname is pretty irresponsible. There are some dickheads
around who with a fullname could identify a person and harrass
them, etc.
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paul mccarragher
wrote:
Subject: Tara Reid
Had a look at the Nip
Slip, whatever she was on I'd like a kilo of it, look
at the eyes, the lights are on but no-ones home, sad to
see a very attractive young lady subject herself to the
surgeons knife with such disasterous results. Where are
all the "real" girls, if your out there send some
pics to ORSM please.
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Waterboy
wrote:
Subject: bi Sydney chick
OK, I'll join the long cue in saying,
please for god's sake, try to get
a weekly update from her. That was the coolest, At least
start a section that encourages that sort of behaviour.
puhlease.
|
Gloria
wrote:
Subject: hello
Hello! I am writing about your latest video
update called Crazy
Arabs - I would like to know the name of the song that
is played on that video.
Anyone? -Orsm |
Mike
wrote:
Subject: custom Honda
Hey man, love the site, been a faithful
viewer for a long time now. In reference to the series of
images labeled "Honda
Custom", the car is owned by Alpine, and was made
to showcase their products for SEMA and other automotive
shows. This is NOT a daily driver for someone, and I don't
think it can actually be driven as such. I saw this car
in a sport compact magazine a while back, and if I remember
correctly, they spent something close to a half a million
US dollars creating this car. Keep up the great work!
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Cheaky Chef
wrote:
Subject: circumcision
hey, my old roomate got circumcised recently
atr the rip old age of 30! lets just say it was very painful
- here are the pics to prove it
Nightmares coming my way... -Orsm
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Wigga De Wack
wrote:
Subject: pics for you
hey, orsm site, look at it weekly, loving
the shit you have to offer. thought id contribute, hit fraser
for the weekend thought i would send a message to all the
tourists and backpackers that go to fraser. attached photos
of the message we wrote on the dunes. also just recently
got rid of my mates laser, thought we would kill it with
a bang, hard to believe but we drove it 50k to the wreckers
after this, not to mention having cops rock up while in
airtime
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Interesting Aircraft (take 2)
Well I work at a FBO at an International
Airport here in the U.S. We had this airplane come in and
I luckily had my camera on me to take a picture. You'd think
that they'd like to keep it low key... Love the site dude,
keep it up! (no pun intended)
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WanTeD
wrote:
Subject: Hey Mr. ORSM
Hey I was at a drug store and saw this
ad. I took a picture of it using my phone. "Chicco"
in arabic means: "put it in".. I dedicate this
pic to Michael Jackson.. --Keep up the good work ORSM
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CJ wrote:
Subject: HAVE YOU EVER GONE TO A PARTY & NOT FITTED
IN WITH THE CROWD
Hi Orsm, The ultimate nightmare. You
go to a party. The food is good, there is plenty of alcohol,
the company is good and everyone is having a good time until
some female starts bitching that there are other women dressed
exactly the same as her, but they look better. Photo attached.
Am I missing something??
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Mike McDonough
wrote:
Subject: BMW for Sale - Great Deal is you move quick
I've got a buddy selling a 2002 BMW 325i,
cheap cheap cheap to pay off a gambling debt..... black,
alloys, 21,250 miles, as new, except a small dent in The
roof due to a soccer ball (darn kids!!!). Leather interior.
Engine A1 condition, 170 BHP. See attached photo. He'll
take $ 4,000 for quick sale.
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eweotter
wrote:
Subject: happy campers
Mr. Orsm, Love your site, visit it every
day at least once. Keep up the great work. Here's a pic
i took while riding around in the hills of West Virginia,
(USA). I thought it would fit in with your RS.
I believe this is where Love Bugs
come from... -Orsm
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Adam
wrote:
Subject: My friend does a crazy magic trick
I filmed this the other day. I have more
if you like this one.
Someone please tell me how to do that!? -Orsm |
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Robert James
Hoffman III wrote:
Subject: From Robert the funny video guy...
Hey man, I don't know if this is something
you'd be into or not. These are called pirouettes and I
do alot more than most anyone else in the world can do,
15 spins on one foot. It's pretty cool to watch.
|
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Chris
wrote:
Subject: Weekend to Wales...
Hello there Mr O. Just a quickie - I've
attached a vid I created when I took some guys from my work
(in England) for a weekend to my home country of Glorious
Wales, dunno if you like it or not, it was one of those
'no women allowed' weekends, need I say more, it was the
bollocks! It was filmed in April of this year so it was
still bloody cold!!! Thinking of going in to the 'filming'
business, so was hoping to get a bit of feedback - do your
regulars like it??? Could I offer it up as a stag weekend
extra (film your embarrasing moments, remind yourself why
you shouldn't get married...)
|
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Skanky Bianca
Hey Orsm, Heres some pics of a serious
skank in JHB, South Africa. Bianca works for <removed>
if anyone wants a quick hump. Besides fucking ALL her boyfriends
and Ex fiancee's best friends.. she took these pics, a day
after borrowing the camera from him. His names Adam <removed>
- a sad asshole, everytime he caught her, HE would beg for
her to come back.
|
ORSM
VIDEO
Having this cool little
job I do I am sometimes privy to things that no one else is
and today I proudly bring you a clip from one of the coolest
new reality'style sites that you won't have seen anywhere
else before - SmileBitch.com!
This clip I have for you guy's is absolutely hilarious and
only surpassed in quality by the rest of the pics and vids
at Smile
Bitch. Make sure you check it out and remember to Smile
Bitch!
- Smile
Bitch: Mellissa - |
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A couple just got home from their honeymoon,
and when the husband went back to his house after work he found
that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered
up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.
Two days after his wife disappeared the
man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what
she had been up to and why she hadn't been home or called. She replied,
"These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a
week." The husband answered, "But it's only been two days.
What do you mean a week?" "I am only here to get something
to eat," she told him.
This guy goes out to Las Vegas, and wins really
big in one of the casinos. When you win big in Vegas the casino
will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this
is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what money
you have won. After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table,
the casino decides to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite.
The guy goes up to the room, opens the big double
doors, and steps into a three-room suite. The room is on a corner
of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic
view of the city. There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen
TV The guy drops his bag of money in a chair and stands looking
out the windows at the city. He realises he is all alone and needs
someone to share his good fortune with. He calls down to the front
desk and tells the clerk to send up one of the best high-priced
call girls in the city.
Thirty minutes later there's a knock on the door.
The guy opens it and there is the most gorgeous girl he has ever
seen. Long blond hair, short red dress, and spiked heels. She walks
into the room. The guy goes over to the bar and fixes two drinks;
he gives one to the hooker, and drinks one himself.
"Now, down to business," he says, "how
much for a hand job?" The hooker says, "Honey, a hand
job is $500.00" "What, that's outrageous. "Come over
here," She says walking towards one of the windows," see
that strip mall over there," pointing out the window, "I
own the last two stores on the end. I was able to buy those stores
with the money I saved from giving hand jobs. I must be pretty damn
good."
"All right, screw it, money is no object."
A half hour after she's done the guy is sitting on the couch reveling
in ecstasy. He gets up, goes to the bar and makes two more drinks.
He gives one to the hooker and drinks one himself.
"That was the best hand job I have ever
had. How much for a blow job? Honey, a blow job is $5000.00"
"What, that's outrageous." "Come over here,"
She says walking towards another one of the window, "see that
hotel and casino over there on the corner," pointing out the
window, "I own that, I was able to buy it with the money I
saved from giving blow jobs. I must be pretty damn good. "All
right, screw it, money is no object." The guy gives her $5000.00.
An hour after she's done, the guy is laying on
the couch, head rolled back, eyes rolled up inside his head, a little
drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. He gets up, barely
able to stand, staggers over to the bar, mixes two more drinks,
gives one to the hooker, and drinks one himself. "My god, that
was the best blow job I have ever had, I've gotta know, How much
for some pussy?"
The hooker looks at him and says, "Honey,
if I had a pussy I would own this whole city."
WORTH A SURF
Every now and then I like to throw
a link out to a couple of sites that you guy's may never have seen
before and this is one of those weeks. Check em out...
Ania
& Fran - Kaktuz
- Azn Fetish
- Amateur
Porn Poetry - Waste
Your Day - Ulanga
- My Place
On The N3t
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders
a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in
contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size
of an orange.
The bartender hands the guy his beer and says,
"You know, I'm not gay but want to compliment you on your physique,
it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head
so small?" The big guy nods slowly.
He's obviously fielded this question many times.
"One day," he begins, "I was hunting and got lost
in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries
and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream."
"No shit?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
"Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and
I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.'" "Keep going!"
"I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss."
POOF!
"The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous,
naked woman. She said, 'You now have three wishes.' I looked down
at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, 'I want a body like Arnold
Schwarzenegger.' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF! there
I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing
there naked! She then asked, 'What will be your second wish?''"
"What next?" begged the bartender.
"I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, I want
to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.' She nodded,
laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that
stream for hours!
"Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other,
sweating from our lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, 'You know,
you do have one more wish. What will it be?'. I looked at her and
replied, 'How about a little head?'"
ORSM
VIDEO
An attractive redhead was thrilled to have obtained
a divorce and dazzled by the skill of her lawyer, not to mention
his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realised, she had
fallen head over heels in love with him, even though he was a married
man.
"Oh, Sam," she sobbed at the conclusion of the
trial, "isn't there some way we can be together, the way we were
meant to be?" Taking her by the shoulders, Sam replied, "Snatched
drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried
meetings in sordid motel rooms - is that really what you want for
us?"
"No, no," she sobbed, heartsick. "Oh
well," said the lawyer. "It was just a suggestion."
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide
to go on a picnic. So Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies,
bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is
10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By
the time they do arrive, everyone's utterly exhausted. Joe takes
the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas
and says, "Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener." "I didn't bring
the bottle opener," Steve says. "I thought you packed it." Naturally,
Raymond doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away
from home without soda.
Joe and Steve beg Raymond to turn back home and
retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat
everything by the time he gets back. After about two hours, the
turtles manage to convince Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grand
turtles' graves that they won't touch the food.
So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and
steadily. Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are hungry
and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and
still no Raymond, but a promise is a promise.
After three more days pass without Raymond in
sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with
a hint of dementia in his voice. "NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."
Five more days pass. Joe realises that Raymond probably skipped
out to the diner down the road, so the two turtle's weakly lift
the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then,
right at that instant, Raymond pops out from behind a rock, and
says, "Just for that, I'm not fucking going!!"
This little guy is sitting at the bar just staring
at his drink. He's been sitting there for half an hour when this
big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink
and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard
time," says the truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink.
I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life,"
says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right.
I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired
me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and
I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left,
I discovered my wallet was left in the cab.
At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener.
So I came to this bar, and was thinking about putting an end to
my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."
A couple of rednecks are out
in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and
falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are
rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out
his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I
think Bubba is dead! What should I do?" The
operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy
and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence... and
then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay,
now what?"
This was another one of those updates that I
thought I had no chance of getting finished but the good lord gave
me the strength I needed to keep working and supply you all with
top quality free porn and various other matter you've all
come to love... so I hope it doesn't suck!
On that note its time for me to make like a tree
and leaf but before I do I would like to point you at my wish
list! This is the one
place you can show me your love for the thousands of hours I
spend each weak chained to my computer bringing you this site for
free!
Anyway, until next time be good, stay off the
chem's and feel free to cry yourself to sleep at night if you think
it will help. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
